Crying Over Spilled Newsprint.

I will the the second to admit (Ryun being the first) that I'm not the most up-to-date individual when it comes to pop culture. I was probably the last to hear  Forget You or Call Me Maybe in the last year or so, and it took me that long to get them on my iPod (what? Apple makes phones, too! Wow!), so you KNOW I'm somewhere down the list of hipsters (does anyone even USE that word anymore?). But, after all, I'm just a small town Midwestern guy. I can be excused for being something of a rube...not so Steven A. Smith or the government of Iran. They should be more than a little aware of what goes on in the world. Apparently, they're not.

Smith, a somewhat bombastic sports talking head, got all riled up earlier this week when noted journalistic juggernaut The Onion published a story that he was having the sex talk with his young son...about 9 years old. Smith went on a Twitter tirade about how ridiculous rumor and innuendo was and how he should not have to deal with outright lies like this...uh, what? Steven A.?  The Onion just makes stuff up? Oops. Nobody was giving him any slack for his later comments when literally dozens of people tweeted him about the "real" story: that he had been had! Numerous tweets followed from the verbose one, but we were all just laughing at how gullible he was.

Then, there's the entire government of Iran...seriously, you guys need to get out more. The aforementioned satirically-oriented "news" source reported that "among rural white Americans," Iran leader Ahmadinejad was more popular than President Obama, and those same folks would rather vote for the leader of Iran (birth certificate required, I suppose). Really. They bought the whole story. And broadcast it throughout the country. OK, fine...give them a break because they are thousands of miles away, and The Onion is probably not printed in Arabic. BUT...

The same "news" source published a story and picture JUST DAYS BEFORE depicting Ahmadinejad glowing green and declaring himself a nuclear weapon as he addressed the United Nations! C'Mon, people!  At least show some consistency...issue a fatwa against the newspaper or something.

But, seriously, quit crying about this stuff. There are more important things to worry about.

Like the upcoming bacon shortage.

Four Big Things

I don't imagine any of us would take the time or have the energy in one day to move everything we owned outside for a photograph, but that's what you're seeing here: four pictures with rural Chines people and EVERYTHING they own. Tese photos are part of a ten-year project by a Chinese photographer Huang Qinjun who sought to chronicle the lives of "ordinary" Chinese people. Obviously, the rural setting was necessary, for even in china, city dwellers have far more possessions than they would be willing to cart outside. Of course, the couple in the bottom photo really didn't have a choice since their house was scheduled to be demolished to make way for a new high-rise.

Qinjun searched through 14 of china's 33 provinces in order to assemble his pictorial. Some people had never before had their pictures taken...so novel was the idea. However, even among the least gentrified one can find a satellite dish, a DVD player, and a phone.

The project began when Qinjun wanted to chronicle how modern society had changed the thought patterns of Chinese people. In fact, he noted that, while most of them had no increase in wealth, they DID have a change of ideas.

A term coined in the 1950s was "Four Big Things"...things every Chinese person wanted to have when embarking upon married life. In 1950, the predominant "things" were a sewing machine, a bicycle, a watch, and a radio.

By the 1980s, the four big "things" had changed to include a television, a washing machine, a rice cooker, and a refrigerator. I wonder what they might be today.

Why the progress of ideas? It was mostly due to two factors: the Chinese government building roads (which made everyone and everything more accessible), and electricity...both things we absolutely never think about unless they don't get plowed or the potholes filled...or until the power goes out in the middle of watching television or surfing the 'net.

I have been thinking about this for a day or so, and I would have to list my Four Big Things as the internet, an iPad, a car, and a microwave.

But I have ever so much more, and it would take me more than a day to display it all on the lawn.

These People Are Nuts

Sometimes, we do things that are simply undertaken for the novelty like carving out ice sculptures or making igloos just for fun.  At other times, we do things for a cause...like sitting in a dunk tank at a benefit or agreeing to have one's head shaved for a particular charity. Usually, such things are mostly harmless-at most, somewhat embarrassing-, and in the case of charity doings, can actually be thought of as a good deed. Polar Bear club plunges on the first of January around here are a regular thing, and perhaps a hundred people will show up, many having prepared with some form of "anti-freeze" prior to the event. At any rate, for most people, it's a quick in-and-out-and-back-into-the-warm-clothes kind of thing. However, if an individual is part of a larger group aiming to set some sort of record, there are rules to be followed closely...and that's the point at which I say, "Really? You're going to do THAT for THAT LONG? You're nuts." Into this group I cheerfully place those folks from Druridge Bay in the UK (England). Last week, there was an organized attempt to break into the Guinness Book of World Records in the category of "largest group of people skinny dipping." OK, could be interesting...but then the organizers and the rules spoil the whole thing. To wit:

1. The organizers chose a day when the air temperature was 5.5 degrees celsius and the water temperature was around 12 degrees celsius (for us: air at 42 and water at 53). By any measure, that's darned chilly on both fronts (and backs, too, I guess).

2. Participants had to stay in the water for 10 minutes in order to be considered a record-breaker. And, as one can see from the photo, it wasn't wading knee-deep water, either. BRRRR!

3. Back to the organizers. While I imagine it was difficult to count participants since some probably backed out after assembling on the beach, the number to beat was "almost" 400, the estimate (?) for the record-breaking dash and splash last year. There were barely (so to speak) 200 folks brave enough to brave the chill so obviously the record was not in danger. Even a quick estimate could have noted the lack of significant numbers; maybe that wasn't important, though.

Ultimately, the event went off lin a flurry of bathrobes under chilly conditions, and several thousand pounds were raised for a mental health charity named Mind.

Mind? You're darn right I mind getting into almost freezing water, au natural or otherwise. These folks, however are obviously made of sterner stuff.

Just like those January Polar Bear nuts.

Fennel, Don't Fail Me Now!

As we walked out of the House of India today, there was a bowl of some kind of seed with a little spoon resting in it...this instead of the usual mints and toothpicks. Curious, I asked the host the purpose of the display, and he said, "digestion," so we took a spoonful and shared it. The black licorice flavor was readily apparent, as was the fact that I'd just put some exotic seed in my mouth...which is probably not all that different from putting something exotic in my mouth at McDonald's. I was not sure where anise came from, but I'd heard that it also tasted like black licorice, so this certainly could have been that ingredient for all I knew. Fortunately, my dining companion said, "fennel" as she shoved me out the door.

Digestive aid. That's exactly what I needed! My mind was still in sharp focus concerning the last time I'd eaten Indian food: less that 24 hours later, I was in the hospital having been diagnosed with a rather severe ulcer...not caused by spicy food, mind you, but totally exposed by it as my stomach tried to process the sauces. Just as I turned to grab another mouthful "just in case," I was dragged to the car still feeling a bit uncertain...and I think my stomach was as well.

Not to be cynical, but I had to look up the medicinal benefits of fennel at my first opportunity, and found, to my stomach's relief, that the seeds were, indeed, used by many traditional peoples as a cure for indigestion, stomach disturbances and nausea as well as a curative for coughs and cold symptoms.

According to Ed Smith, author of The Therapeutic Herb Manual, the ingesting fennel also promotes healthy stomach action (?) and prevents or reduces intestinal gas (won't my wife be happy to hear THAT?).

Some five hours later, my fears have somewhat dissipated though I'm not sure the same can be said about intestinal gas. If the little licorice-flavored seeds keep my stomach in good shape tomorrow, there might be a return trip to eat Indian food.

Until then, though, I'll have to depend on Good 'n' Plenty.

Religious Upheaval NOT Related to Islam!

Karen King will probably be hearing from the religious right any day now. King, the Hollis professor of Divinity who revealed to the world this week a segment of papyrus on which Jesus refers specifically to "my wife," is raising hackles throughout civilization. 

The segment of what she calls "The Gospel of Jesus' Wife" has been around for awhile, but its owner could not translate it. It was only after repeatedly trying to interest someone in it that the owner finally convinced King to verify its authenticity. Of course, the possibility of it being fraudulent like so many faces of holy people appearing in pancakes or waffles was a real one, and King was skeptical. She sought out Ariel Shisha-Halevy, a coptic writing expert from Hebrew University, who was able to at least confirm the translation and verify that the papyrus on which it was written was singularly ancient. Found in Egypt somewhere, I think, the segment was preserved by the incredibly dry air in that vicinity. At 4 cm by 8 cm, the segment is certainly but a small part of an original document and offers no real proof that Jesus was married. After all, this gospel, like many of the others, was written long after Jesus' death...some say as much as 150 years later.

Pundits worldwide are taking the discovery in stride and even making conjectures about what came after "Jesus said, my wife..." which is where the message conveniently ends.

Thinking that Christians probably have more of a sense of humor and feeling that Jesus would,too, here are some of the possible endings:

1. "And Jesus said, 'my wife always gets upset if I leave the lid up.'"

2. "And Jesus said, ' My wife...if I could ever find one.'"  Those two are from Jon Stewart, not me.

Steven Colbert also had some repartee on the subject. He was upset to find that Jesus had been married because

1. Jesus was his last single friend!

2. No more partying. Jesus was always the life of the party, what with changing water into wine and all.

3. Jesus was a hit with the ladies as well...he even hung around with prostitutes.

Colbert also opined that it was about time Jesus was identified with a woman since everyone was beginning to talk about him hanging around with 12 guys all the time.

All in all, a delightful respite from the political rhetoric for the week.

Uh, On Second Thought...OW!

I think long hair started the whole upheaval. Following some time later was the earring fad; now, everybody has a tattoo, not just sailors and indigenous folks featured in National Geographic. It is estimated that a large percentage of young people are getting tatted these days. I have four children, and three of them are inked to some degree or other...meaning our family is ahead (or behind, depending on perspective) of the tattoo curve.
The fact that interested me the most is that it is estimated that half of all the folks getting artwork done will, at some point in their lives, want to have the tattoo removed. Of course, that speaks to the thought that went into the depiction and location to begin with. For example, one of our children has ink that covers most of his back, put there by a Buddhist monk who used special letters and symbols to ensure such things as protection for the wearer's family (and invisibility, I think). I can live with that, especially when it is not readily apparent even when he's wearing a tank top. Anyway, I doubt seriously whether that tattoo will ever qualify for removal for several reasons.
We all understand that removing a tat via laser is something of a painful proposition, but I didn't realize that the satisfactory removal generally takes between 10 and 15 visits! OW! (and that's just from the pain of shelling out a couple of hundred dollars for each visit). Compound that with the fact that blue and yellow inks as well as older tattoos (especially for smokers) can be darned hard to get rid of at all!
In an Italian study conducted by Dr. Luigi Naldi, 352 painted people were subject to laser-removal procedures using the standard Q-switched laser that fired off bursts in nano-second intervals to break up the ink. Half were satisfied after 10 treatments, and three-fourths were satisfied, but it took 15 treatments to accomplish the job.
Meanwhile, and American scientist, Dr. Nazanin Saedi of Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia has performed experiments on volunteers that utilized laser bursts measured in pico seconds (?). She got positive results in a mere two or four sessions. No word on the cost, and the procedure has not yet been deemed safe by the governmental organization that monitors such things.
Still, for my money, I will avoid the tattoo craze.
Getting a tetanus shot will fill my quota of needle-in-my-body pain for the time being.

Marching to Huge Profits

I think it's absolutely hilarious that there is a furor over the latest internet ad from Dr. Pepper. In what is obviously intended to be a play on the slogan "the evolution of flavor," this ad has appeared on the internet (and maybe on TV...I watch so little that it would be easy to miss). Of course, it mimicked the famous visualization about the march of progress, but that was the somewhat offbeat point, I think.The response from creationists who apparently have NO sense of humor has been amazing (are they allowed to access the internet?). Some are demanding an apology to thousands, and some are indicating that such a product would never again be seen in their homes.

Probably to make things worse (or just to be snarky), others are weighing in that they would continue to drink the prescribed drink "even if they pissed in the formula." Me? I'm still shaking my head.

Obviously, Dr. Pepper got a HUGE uptick as the ad and the subsequent pro/con notes poured in. It's popularity is bound to soar among evolutionists, especially now that the good doctor has added some kind of soft drink designed "just for men."

Just for men, huh? Now we'll have ANOTHER group demanding an apology.

But then, I don't complain that women drink white wine.

And to think that in the Middle East, the protests are over a movie...or maybe because they don't have Dr. Pepper.

People are strange. Us, THEM, everyone! (except you and me, of course).

Bemused and Befuddled by Styles

I will be the first to admit that I consider myself "old school" in many areas of life. I still believe in working hard to get what you want, I still believe in holding doors open for people entering or leaving concurrently with me, I still believe couples should not hit each other or date other people...I know, I know, you get it already. But perhaps the most glaring example of my anachronistic leanings is fashion. While I used to dress like Russell Westbrook (pictured above), I have to admit that my haberdashery is beginning to take on a more earth tone than I'd like. I keep trying to spice it up a bit with my selection of shoes, but just when I think I have it down, I'm told that matching my shirt with my shoes is a fashion no-no. Who knew? I tried a dash of color with a yellow, red and green watch, only to be asked if that was the prize in a Happy Meal. Even today, on casual Friday, my choice of a navy blue tie festooned with hamsters in karate suits barely got any recognition...though they were small hamsters.
All of this makes me wonder who the fashion police are, and why they were not stopping this young woman in front of me today.
As I'm walking toward my class, I am interrupted by the annoying noise that high heels make in an enclosed space. I automatically start looking around for the Budweiser horses when I hear that sound. Today, however, it was, I think, a co-ed on her way to class or somewhere that fashion must have been taking a back-row seat.
Picture this: I noticed her heels...probably six-inch stiletto-type things that made my ankles hurt just watching her walk all wobbly on them and making a racket. She was also adorned with very short khaki shorts and topped off the ensemble with a long-sleeved jacket. Huh? If it's wam enough for shorts, who needs a jacket? she probably had a scarf on, too, but I didn't get in front to see. Of course, those scarves are just for looks I'm told, not actually designed to keep out the cold.
Just as I will never figure that fashion statement out, I will also never know how women get OUT of pants that have leg openings barely big enough for their lower leg. How do they get their feet out? I'd think it to be impossible...well, I know I couldn't get out of them (or into them for that matter). I think there must be secret zippers or hidden elastic because nobody could have ankles THAT flexible or feet THAT small.
So, call me old fashioned if you want, but I'd prefer "old school," especially when I'm wearing my hightop green suede Nikes.

How Polls Can Lead People Astray

There is seldom a day that goes by without this think tank or that researcher publishing the report of the latest poll. Whether it's a popularity poll for politicians or who should be the next judge on American Idol, these things are everywhere, and I think the variable that we don't get (but should) is who actually the respondents to the poll were.

Generally, the information is rather sketchy: the number of respondents and, perhaps, a geographical tidbit, but seldom do we get a more or less complete picture of exactly WHO was casting the vote.

For example, the latest poll taken by the Children's Museum of Indianapolis in an attempt to find the most popular child's toy of all time. I would venture to guess that those responding were not children at all but adults well into their 30s and 40s. I base my opinion on the results of the top 10 toys: 

10. Monopoly. Really? a board game? Do kids even PLAY games that are not online anymore?

9. Play-Doh. Haven't seen the barbershop version in forever, but I have seen the ice cream cone maker.

8. Crayons. I'll give them this one since I think every kid from the Old Testament probably had something like crayons...though now drawing cool pictures is an app as well.

7. Cabbage Patch Doll. Wrong, wrong, wrong. These things have not been popular in decades. Now, if it had been Build-A-Bear or American Girl, I could see that (at least it wasn't Beanie Babies).

6. Bicycles. Perhaps, but scooters (particularly the aggravating one with motors to keep a kid from exercising) seem to be more popular. Some just skip right to Harleys, though.

5. ViewMaster. Come on, now. I'll bet not one kid in the last fifteen years has looked through the distorted images produced by this toy. Nuh, uh. No way. One would have to be in hi or her 40s to even have a glimmer of what this was all about.

4. Barbie. I guess little kids still play with this one so it can stay on the list. The problem is that now there are so many "friends" of Barbie, one would think it's Jersey Shore all over again.

3. LEGOs. Absolutely right on this one. Every basement in America has these strewn all over the floor, and people in their 30s and 40s will drop down and help a toddler build something...even if the purpose is merely to knock it over and smash it.

2. Transformers. Not quite seeing this one. Even though the latest movie wasn't long ago, I still see this as something from the 80s and 90s.

1. GI Joe. This toy is definitely from several generations ago in terms of popularity. With all the violent video games, what kid wants to move plastic soldiers around and pretend to blow stuff up? Definitely an older person's memory here.

All in all, the list looks to have an "older" perspective, despite some toys that are ageless. No, the slinky didn't make it, but when one can watch a video on YouTube of a slinky on a treadmill, SOMEBODY still thinks it's a great toy.

Having a Blast(off) Coming Soon

It will be in the 60s this week with lows dropping down into the lower 40s, and you know it won't be long before there will be frost on the pumpkin (and my nose as I ride my bike to work). Just when that first real chill of an upcoming winter whistles through my ears, I begin thinking and planning that next warm-weather vacation; and I suppose I am not alone.

Most people yearn to get away at times, and various flights of fancy are considered. For some, a domestic hot spot like Florida or Arizona might be nice. Other more worldly voyagers might think of someplace closer to the equator or farther west or east than the continental U.S. However, for the truly adventuresome, the new frontier in travel is really out of this world...really. out. of. this. world. Space travel for tourists is already a reality, and while the cost right now is somewhat prohibitive, you know the price will come down as the competition ratchets up.

Right now, a travel group called Excalibur Almaz, located on the Isle of Man (?) is offering a trip to a "gravity neutral point near the moon." That's some serious frequent flier miles. Of course, the cost of 150 million dollars might make even Zuckerberg flinch, and I hear the ice cream is powdery.

Want something less pricey? How about a trip for 12 days to the International Space Station? Space Adventures, located in Virginia will get you there...and seven people have gone thus far, but the 50 million dollar ticket is still a bit other-worldly for most of us.

Next year, though, Virgin Galactic, brainchild of Richard Branson of Virgin airlines plans to provide a two-hour adventure some sixty miles straight up in a craft he calls SpaceShipTwo to provide would-be Neil Armstrongs the opportunity to experience weightlessness for a full five minutes. OK, OK, it doesn't quite have the "Jetson-like" feel of the other two, but at a mere two hundred thousand dollars, it's a bargain. There's even an spaceport for such goings on, located in New Mexico (where else?) that aims to serve the next generation of explorers.

I wonder if there will be a fee for more than one bag.

MREs in Madagascar

I've eaten plenty of "ready-to-eat" foods, especially in those poorer-than-dirt college days when Ritz Crackers was about all that was in the house. We've all had pot pies, pizza in a box and Ramen noodles galore. I think these are staples to any first-time-away-from-home-and-Mom-did-all -the-cooking people. Eventually, though, we all have to put on our big person clothes and learn to cook. If we don't, we try to find someone to do it for us...and Carl, Jr. really doesn't help much.
I am led to believe that this fast food/last thing to eat scenario is played out around the world. Take the latest story from Madagascar, for example. Fishing along the coastline has been poor due to overfishing by the huge boats and pollution. The forests are gradually disappearing to make way for land more suitable for other uses. That means fewer fish and fewer lemurs, long staples of the Mikea tribe in Madagascar. They have resorted to what many of us seem to restort to when there are a lack of staples in the fridge: they go for fast food, already in its container. The only real exception is that their idea of fast food in a box is to find spider tortoises and bury them in hot sand for 20 minutes before scooping the, um, delicacy from the "bowl.
Sadly for the tortoise, it is one of four species of tortoises that have been placed on  the critically endangered list, and its population has shrunk by 71% in the last century. Other tortoises: the flat-tailed tortoise, the radiated tortoise, and the ploughshare tortoise are also part of the endangered list and are often sold throughout SE Asia as unique pets.
I see some drawbacks, though:
1. According to one tribesman, the spider tortoises are too small to really fill a person up, and it does little to develop muscle and real strength.

2. I doubt anybody can teach a tortoise to "fetch."
Still, a ready to eat meal in its own bowl is tempting to all of us.

The Older You Get, The Better You Used To Be

Mark Twain called them "stretchers," but various titles have been given to those, um, somewhat exaggerated stories about peak moments we've all had "back in the day." Of course, Twain's references were to outright lies told in the moment. I prefer to think of them as "hyperbolizing," a word I possibly made up. Fact is, as we age, lots of things go downhill; we do not recover nearly as fast from, say, falling off a bicycle (as I did last week), or a night of carousing that extends far beyond 9:30 (must be New Year's Eve). We also tend to exaggerate our accomplishments in order to prove to the younger generation that it is not the only one that has done something extraordinary..."Back in OUR day, we (blah, blah, blah...)NOT like today!"

As a result, in this age of cynicism and finger-pointing at the slightest misstep or variance of the truth, it's getting more and more dangerous to "hyperbolize" as a public figure. Take the latest minor-league gaffe by a national politician.

This national figure claimed to have run a specific marathon "back in the day" in something under three hours., though the exact time was an elusive thing to him. Anyone who has ever run such a race in that time frame knows that it's a time most people could not reach. Of course, those who have never done so nor expressed any idea as to what that race is about would be impressed to do the math and figure somewhere around seven minutes a mile for 26 miles. That would be a feat worth extolling...and the speaker did just that. The only trouble is that his actual time was almost an hour and a half OVER what he claimed to have run. When called to question by a national running magazine, the speaker claimed that through"time passage and a back injury" he couldn't remember the exact time though his brother reminded him that night of his error.

I have no beef with "hyperbolizing;" I do it with regularity; however, anyone who has ever competed in a strenuous timed competition, be it a 5k, 10k, half-marathon, marathon, triathlon, and worked hard to get ready for the competition...would know within a minute, perhaps seconds, what the final time was. Nobody works that hard to set a goal and/or a personal record and fails to remember the result.

I might not remember what I had for lunch yesterday, but after seven knee operations, an aneurysm surgery and atrial fibrillation, I can tell you at least five specifics about my last marathon in 1984, and I can tell you the time to the second: 2:39:57.

Of course, older people remember days gone by more clearly than recent happenings...

Still, it's hard to believe with any certainty ANYTHING that such a person would say; but then, I'm cynical, too.

The More Things Change...

Harvard University, the self-proclaimed bastion of the intelligentsia, has found itself in the midst of a scandal. This case is not about an individual cheating two others of their profits from the creation of a social media site (that would soon soar, then tank); it concerns cheating of, some would say, the most nefarious kind: academic dishonesty. In what is purported to be the most significant case of possible cheating, the results of more than 250 students taking the final test for a spring-semester government course have been probed after one professor seemed to find alarming consistencies in the answer of about half of those students (God forbid everyone should answer the same questions correctly!).
Harvard students cheat? "inconceivable," as the protagonist in The Princess Bride might say. These are our best and brightest, headed for the corner offices of major corporations or to the hallowed halls of Washington, D.C. Such an act of deceit would be far below the blue-blooded students ensconced within the ivy walls of Cambridge.
Right.
I work with college students all the time, and despite my best efforts, collaboration DOES take place. Of course, it doesn't help that professors are putting more and more exams online where there is no direct supervision of the test taker. Mind you, this movement is probably as much for the professor's benefit as it is the students'.
However, in this case, I think any student who sought outside help had to be an absolute doofus since the instructions for the test indicated that it was an "open book, open note and open internet" test. The only real restriction was that students were not to "collaborate with fellow students or writing tutors, or tutors of any kind." So, this strikes me as the ultimate in laziness. With all the "free" help in addition to the copious notes each student has supposedly taken when attending lectures, this exam should be a no-brainer.
I'm sure those apprehended will discuss the pressure cooker that is academia at Harvard, and, if one is to believe what one has seen in Legally Blonde, maybe there is undue pressure. I know grade inflation has become a hot button issue at many universities, and may well be the case here as well.
Still...at the risk of facing a one-year suspension from the university, students from noble backgrounds would hardly be suspect.
On the other hand, when our elected officials make statements then, when confronted with the bald-faced untruth of what they had just said have the cojones to say, "That wasn't meant to be a factual statement," or "Women's bodies have a way of stopping those things from happening," perhaps these students are just getting a head start on their public careers.
I can hardly wait to see who gets the blame for this.

Ale to the Chief

If you are wondering, and apparently more than 16,000 of you ARE, how the White House's home brew is made, here is an article containing the recipe. If you brew, too, you will appreciate this. You'll have to scroll down a bit for the actual recipe.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/09/01/ale-chief-white-house-beer-recipe