Bemused and Befuddled by Styles

I will be the first to admit that I consider myself "old school" in many areas of life. I still believe in working hard to get what you want, I still believe in holding doors open for people entering or leaving concurrently with me, I still believe couples should not hit each other or date other people...I know, I know, you get it already. But perhaps the most glaring example of my anachronistic leanings is fashion. While I used to dress like Russell Westbrook (pictured above), I have to admit that my haberdashery is beginning to take on a more earth tone than I'd like. I keep trying to spice it up a bit with my selection of shoes, but just when I think I have it down, I'm told that matching my shirt with my shoes is a fashion no-no. Who knew? I tried a dash of color with a yellow, red and green watch, only to be asked if that was the prize in a Happy Meal. Even today, on casual Friday, my choice of a navy blue tie festooned with hamsters in karate suits barely got any recognition...though they were small hamsters.
All of this makes me wonder who the fashion police are, and why they were not stopping this young woman in front of me today.
As I'm walking toward my class, I am interrupted by the annoying noise that high heels make in an enclosed space. I automatically start looking around for the Budweiser horses when I hear that sound. Today, however, it was, I think, a co-ed on her way to class or somewhere that fashion must have been taking a back-row seat.
Picture this: I noticed her heels...probably six-inch stiletto-type things that made my ankles hurt just watching her walk all wobbly on them and making a racket. She was also adorned with very short khaki shorts and topped off the ensemble with a long-sleeved jacket. Huh? If it's wam enough for shorts, who needs a jacket? she probably had a scarf on, too, but I didn't get in front to see. Of course, those scarves are just for looks I'm told, not actually designed to keep out the cold.
Just as I will never figure that fashion statement out, I will also never know how women get OUT of pants that have leg openings barely big enough for their lower leg. How do they get their feet out? I'd think it to be impossible...well, I know I couldn't get out of them (or into them for that matter). I think there must be secret zippers or hidden elastic because nobody could have ankles THAT flexible or feet THAT small.
So, call me old fashioned if you want, but I'd prefer "old school," especially when I'm wearing my hightop green suede Nikes.