A Little (or a Lot) of Pinot Noir, I Think

It's always a nice thing when one's friends look out for one's best interests. In my case, I have a professor who specializes in environmental things, focusing on sustainability and how to save oneself in the event of the calamitous shortages that will undoubtedly befall all of us sooner or later. Today, she sent mean excerpt grom a website called Grist.org that lends itself to all things environmental...sometimes a bit offbeat, and this was definitely in that category.
The theory is that eventually we will wipe out our normal food sources through overkill (not so far fetched), the availability of potable water will dry up (another very real threat), and we will be left to fend for ourselves, trying to subsist on whatever is left since the oil production has been used far beyond the tipping point (you're already starting to believe, I see). In this scenario, what would be left to drink? Why, the best wines, of course, since they keep for a very long time. But what to pair with vintage wine...what that will still be available, that is? The Huffington Post has an entire article devoted to this, and a link is included inside the link for a post from an organization titled i09 that is at the bottom of this post.
However, back to the topic: what to pair with which wine? My expertise is limited to red wine with beef and white wine with chicken and fish (mostly because we used to have wallpaper that noted those facts). So, with the remaining food sources, what to drink?
With squirrel, author Lauren Davis suggests a dry red like a claret.
For wild boar, she suggests something like a Shiraz. However, she notes that a Pinot Noir might well go well with BOTH of those entrees.
Let's say you've turned over a log looking for a snack after days of starvation and find several slugs. Hey, they ARE edible, and the best thing about them is that they take on the flavor of whatever they've been fed! This information comes from Ron Zimmerman of The Herbfarm restaurant in Washington who serves basil and carrot fed slugs with a Chenin Blanc. really. he does.
If all the other animal forms have been swallowed up, so to speak, and one has only dog food (the dog also being long gone), try to have some Newman's Own. In a study done in 2009, many participants could not distinguish between the dog food and pork liver pate! Just be sure to pair it with something like a Chianti, a White Burgandy, or that old standby: Pinot Noir.
That brings us to our last resort: a Donner party. People have a complex system of differing textures and taste in various body parts so the connoisseur must select the wine carefully, depending on which part is to be consumed. You can read the report from i09 or the Huffington Post for that information. I'm not particularly interested...nothing I could find goes with a nice Pinot Noir.

http://io9.com/5918888/wine-pairing-for-zombies-which-wines-go-best-with-human-flesh