Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

New Phone Law In Order For Teens

As is generally typical, I think, many municipalities and states are currently debating the issue of whether or not to allow teenagers to use a cell phone while driving. Of course, we've already decided that texting while operating an auto is a bad idea; of course, I think reading, eating and applying makeup are also bad ideas for those behind the wheel, but because teenagers seldom do those things while driving, we've ignored that. Walking across a college campus, I've seen more near-misses from teens simply walking while trying to read/send messages, so maybe we ought to take a look at that as well! Naturally, it's just another way "the man" is trying to keep teens down...back in the day, the method of choice involved a trip to the barber shop. Now, it's phone use.
I will say one thing, however, we should legislate teens walking into snake pits while attempting to use the phone. I'm serious...just ask Vera Oliphant, a 16-year-old girl from California who recently experienced just that phenomenon.
It seems she was visiting an uncle somewhere near San Diego recently, and she walked outside and up a hill in an attempt to get cell phone service (wouldn't it be interesting to see who her carrier was? Can you say, "free service for life"?) Anyway, as she was motivating up the hill, she heard the ominous sounds of rattlesnakes, well, rattling. Realizing that there were no babies playing in the area, she immediately thought, "Snakes!" and she began to hotfoot it out of there...only to step right into the proverbial viper's den where she was bitten six times within a matter of seconds. According to Oliphant, the pain that shot through her envenomed body measured a 45 on a scale of 1-10. She immediately began to swell but was able to get back to her uncle's place which led to a very quick trip (not the convenience store) to the hospital where the doctors saved her life .
Several lessons are to be learned here.
1. Doctors say that we really have more time than we think when bitten by such a critter.
2. Don't stop to put on a tourniquet or slice yourself open to suck out venom. Go to the emergency room! 
3. Get an effective wireless carrier.
4. Look before you leap.
5. Always carry a flaming torch when going anywhere there might be snakes (hey, it worked for Indiana Jones!).
6. Wear boots that extend to your upper thigh when traipsing about outdoors.
7. Live in Antarctica.

These are almost foolproof methods of avoiding snakebite, but always remember: you are more afraid of them than they are of you!


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