Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Roll Out the Barrel...Grocery Division

Anyone who is surprised by the latest news from Wisconsin obviously does not live here. It was only a matter of time. You know it, and I know it. I'm talking about the passage this week of a law in the Badger state that allows grocery stores to give away FREE SAMPLES OF BEER! The justiication for this legislation comes from those who feel that a local product is getting short shrift in comparison to wine...which apparently can be distributed with impunity most any time, most anywhere. (of course, the problem with that is all the glass-tilting, swishing liquid around in the glass and in ones mouth as well as a generally snooty demeanor that goes with such an event)
Wisconsin has long been known as a beer-producing state, and the Tavern League has a lobby second only to the teachers' union in political sway in our state. But giving away two, three-ounce samples o' brew between the hours of 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. in a grocery store seems a bit extreme. I can see it now...
Senior citizens invade grocery stores on Tuesday for their 5% discount, load up on free brewskis and a massive shopping cart tieup occurs. Ladies will be arguing over who got the early bird special first, and blows will probably be exchanged. Business at the Golden Corral, Ponderosa and /China Bufet will plummet since nobody really wants to eat anymore. Altercations will take place in the checkout lanes, and hundreds of people will be injured weekly while wandering around in the parking lot looking for their cars.
Mothers with small children will go to the store for a dinner item and return with a whole cartful of things they didn't want. Then, of course, they'd need to make a return trip to take back the cart and get the car. Toddlers and teething infants would fill the store but be strangely subdued. Mellow (NOT the Coke version "Mello") would be the order of the day...every day samples were handed out.
As soon as the first bottle was opened, text messages would spread throughout the state, and stores would be deluged with, not potential customers, but freeloaders. Having no need for IM in the past, those home during the day would become expert and suffer eventually from Blackberry thumb!
On the other hand, imagine the growth of the cheesehead population. Schools would finally get the money they need because there would be millions more paying taxes...wait a minute...FREE BEER SAMPLES ALL AROUND! I'm buying.

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