Warped Christmas Toys, Version 2006

Dominic Luciano, Jr

People find outrageous things in Christmas gifts...not at all what they might have expected. My son wanted computer games and got socks. I wanted tasty treats and got a fruitcake...you know the drill. Reality bites. Take the kid in Utah who was playing EA Sports "Madden NFL '07" only to be interrupted by hard-core pornographic images. Wow! In Utah, of all places. Needless to say, EA Sports is investigating.
What if your youngster has just gotten an "Oozinator"? This new product is basically a Super Soaker which spurts globs of a gooey substance instead of water. I can see parents going nuts as their kids create the StayPuft marshmallow guy scene from "Ghostbusters" in the living room. Howdy-hoo! That'll be some fun.
These two items make the Bratz dolls a lot more tame. The knock on these little cuties is that many parents find them to be suggestively dressed, and one mother swears that the doll named "Jade" actually sings obscene lyrics...just what your average five-year-old needs to hear.
My favorite SNAFU from the toy department this year comes in the form of the "Elite Operations Role Play Set" which is designed to emulate riot gear for a police officer. Tek Nek toys has sold more than 100,000 of these through Toys 'R' Us in the past three years. The set includes a helmet, binoculars, a radio, a flashlight, handcuffs, a badge and a night stick. For $16.99, I think it's a great buy...but there's more. A child can push buttons on the utility belt and hear a siren, a call for help and a confirmation that the streets are safe. Very realistic. When the night stick is taken from the belt, a voice says, "Stop! I don't want to have to use my night stick!" All very cool...definitely nothing like I had. Dominic Luciano of the Chicago area thought it was cool, too, so he got one for his 2-year-old son for Christmas. (Luciano Sr., by the way, is a police officer). His buddies at the precinct loved the realistic way the toy was made. However...
As Dominic Jr. played with the set to which he had become immediately enthralled, his mom thought she heard a...uh, shall we say..."discouraging" word when he pulled the night stick. Instead of "Stop," she thought she heard the F-bomb drop. Would Geoffrey really say something like that? (I suppose it depends on how brisk holiday sales were!)
The first few times she convinced herself that it couldn't be true...but it was. Upon hearing her son say, "F@#*! I don't want to have to use my night stick," she found herself in a serious quandry. You and I both know the kid will continue to say the word, and if she takes the toys away, there will be heck to pay. What to do? Toys 'R' Us referred her to a phone number which probably took her to Malaysia or China where the chips were made for that particular toy.
No word at this point what will happen, but I'll bet the neighbors are getting a charge out of it. The streets in his neighborhood are definitely clear now.