Weird, Weird World of Sports

I seriously get tired of reading the newspapers...for every favorite comic strip there is a bevy of stories about carnage somewhere in the world; often, it is too close to home. I try to go to ESPN first for a little relief, though with all the mayhem which has abounded this year that hasn't been much of a reprieve, either. How goofy has the world of sports become? You be the judge:

1. Mandatory drug testing was enforced at the World Angling Championships in Portugal this year. No word whether it was the anglers or anglees that got tested.

2. A company named Eternal Image got a license to market caskets and urns emblazoned with the logo of any of the 30 teams of Major League Baseball. It seems that the Cubs are big sellers there, too, having been declared officially deceased.

3. A firm in England is manufacturing action figures called "Little Hooliganz" to represent your favorite soccer fan. A mug of beer is optional as is the hurling stick for Irish fans.

4. Warren Sapp of the Oakland Raiders refuses to eat at restaurants when the Raiders are on the road since he claims that someone has been poisoning his food. Really, it's just too many Bloomin' Onions, if you ask me.

5. During the course of Wimbledon this year, line judges are reported to have gone through more than 60 pairs of trousers after splitting the seam by bending over. It's a wonder that more tennis balls weren't lost over the fortnight!

6. The Chicago White Sox have agreed to start all night games at 7:11 p.m. in a marketing deal with a convenience store chain...one which has door locks but never closes. And, no, Frank Thomas is NOT coming back for Slurpees.

7. The world chin up record for 24 hours fell this year to a guy named Jason Armstrong though it is not yet verified. Armstrong totalled 2406 chinups in a 24-hour period. Record were also broken for the 1-minute total, the 30-minute total and the 1-hour total. All were set this year by a chap named Stephen Hyland from Great Britain: 42 in one minute 418 in 30 minutes and 701 in one hour. Hyland held the previous 24-hour record with a total of more than 2200. Seriously, guys, get a job!

8. No list of oddities would be complete wiothout the Cincinnati Bengals and their amazing run of records...complete with lineup photos and judges! Thirteen times over the last year a Bengals player was arrested with Chris Henry leading the charge having been nabbed four times. Ocho Cinco was not among the felons though he did lose a fumble last week against the Broncos. Anyway, the irony is that the Bengals' organization recently installed a phone number for fans to notify them of other fans behaving in an unseemly manner: 513-381-JERK. The number to the police station is on speed dial.

9. And, finally, more weird than nasty: Brett Holm has invented shotgun pellets that are edible so that when one shoots something for the table, the drudgery of picking through the carcass for pellets is eliminated. That means my Mom won't be able to say "Anyone who finds a pellet has to do the dishes" anymore. I gained at least ten pounds over my life swallowing shot. In addition, the pellets can be ordered in lemon pepper, mesquite or Creole flavoring. Now THAT'S good news!

10. Nothing signifies the odd nature of sports in the year that was 2006 like the fact that I got a Christmas card from the Green Bay Packers' organization. And the Yankees didn't get me anything!