X Games: Noodling Is Next

The X Games are back this summer on ESPN, and I must admit that it's become a bit tame. Oh, there are guys on BMX bikes and motorcycles flying through the air doing fabulous twists and turns and sometimes landing upright on the wheels, but I've seen most of that before. How many skateboard rail slides can I watch? It's almost like Nero saying, "Gee, ANOTHER sea battle in the Coliseum today? MORE Christians vs Lions action? Let's get something different." I agree wholeheartedly. That's where noodling would be the perfect fit. The Romans would have loved it, and I think Americans are ready for it as well.
It's not like noodling, also called hand fishing, graveling, hoggling, or tickling (depending on the regional flavor) is a new sport. It's been around forever, probably since the first humanoid stuck his/her hand into the water only to have some denizen of the deep try to make a handwich out of it. Before you get all excited about the use of the word "sport" as applied to noodling, I must remind you that my friend Dan Lukes says that a sport is defined as any activity in which defense is played. That leaves out bowling, poker and golf, of course, as well as NBA basketball, but decidedly includes noodling. There has even been a film concerning this activity. In 2001 Bradley Beesley shot the award-winning documentary for PBS named "Okie Noodling." (I could not find it at Blockbuster, but I'm determined to see it). The movie featured an Oklahoma band named The Flaming Lips so you KNOW the movie rocked.
Don Brewer, the bald guy featured in the picture above, is the resident "Big Fish" for having won the seventh annual Okie Noodling Championship recently. This event has been held at Bob's Pig Shop in Paul's Valley, Oklahoma, (seriously, could I make this up?) on an annual basis since 1999. In its inaugural yer, the event hosted a mere 37 competitors; its stature has grown so that this year 92 noodlers showed up seeking the title of "Big Fish." Top prize was $500 and all the cuts,gouges, scrapes and bites a person could be proud to exhibit.
Don: "I've had broken fingers, busted lips, a busted nose, and I've been bit on top of the head. If you don't lose no hide, it ain't no fun!"
So, here's the technique; it's so simple we all could do it: put on your cutoff jeans, take a stick, and jump in the water. Find a deep hole and dig around in there until a catfish comes out. Shove your hand in its mouth, grab it by the gills, and haul it to the boat. It's that simple. Of course, most of the time, catfish don't want to make the trip to your live well so they struggle a bit. "Cats" have teeth, but they are more like a file than incisors. These fish won't sever a limb, but they will make it painful, especially fish the size of Don's winning entry this year: a 60.6-pound behemoth (also pictured). Of course, the water is not crystal clear, and noodlers have been known to disturb cottonmouth snakes as well as untold refrigerators and car bodies...this IS Oklahoma, after all. No word on whether Jimmy Hoffa has been found yet.
What would make better television than Don Brewer climbing out of a muddly lake in Oklahoma with a huge fish, getting a hug from his wife and saying, "I'm going to Disneyland"? Then, the cameras could get a close up of his beefy bicep and see the tatoo his wife gave him for Valentine's Day: a catfish gnawing on a severed arm with the words "Bite Me" underneath (with apologies to Christopher Moore, I suspect). Love interest for the female audience, outdoors action for the Mutual of Omaha crowd, and plenty of defense. It's the perfect sport. I think Rod Lott, the editor of "Hitch" magazine (published in Oklahoma) should get to this before Sports Illustrated starts making calendars featuring noodlers!