Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Barbie & Ken Pump Iron

The reality is, of course, that more than one-third of all American children are overweight, and perhaps as many as 17% of them are obese. You've heard about how schools are feeding kids crap and cutting down on their opportunities for exercise. We've been benumbed by the outright condemnation of video game (hand-eye coordination and lightning thought processes be damned) ad infinitum, and it's been shouted from the rooftops :"Get off the couch and get into gear!" And, of course, we continue to get free refills on soda pop, etc. but here's a novel approach thought up by researchers at Indiana State University in Terre Haute, Indiana: weight training for tots!
In a studey recently reported, researchers found that 6-8 yr.olds burned more calories and had higher heart and breathing rates when they played with three-pound toy blocks than they did when they played with ordinary blocks. The conclusion is that if we were to weight their teddy bears and other playthings, they would expend more energy and be more fit...as toddlers! Makes sense to me, but there are a few cautionary ideas here, too.
Two kids are playing with weighted Thomas the Train cars and get into a tiff concerning which one gets to the station first. Billy screams at Betty who hoists her coal car and delivers a knockout blow to the noggin. Jimmy loses a weighted slot car race featuring all the characters from "Cars" so he fires his Ramone at Sally's driver in the pits. Needless to say, Tow Mader is working overtime as is Doc DeSoto!
"Barbie Hits the Gym" could be a big hit in more ways than one as well.
I actually, have a better idea: several, to be precise.

1. Change diapers only every other day. As the poop catcher fills up, the extra weight would provide aerbic training with little chance of danger to others. This would be especially helpful if your kid was going to be, say, and equestrian(-enne) someday.

2. Introduce weighted pj's. As much as kids run around ready for bed, this would provide an excellent way to strengthen muscle and respiration. The only liability might come when hoisting said child into the air whether in a friendly game of catch or when performing the "hop and drop" maneuver into the crib. Can you say bulging disc?

3. When pushing a baby in a stroller, be sure the child gets exercise by using the pedal you have installed inside the buggy. Elastic straps on the pedal should work nicely; as an added bonus when using the "umbrella" type stroller, the kid won't be sticking a foot on the pavement every 20 seconds making you run abdomen first into the handle. (Sometimes it's not even abdomen high, if you get my drift!)

4. Live five miles from anywhere, preferably downhill from everywhere. This will be tough on you when the child is young, but when (s)he gets to be school age, there's the "five-mile walk uphill to school carrying my band instrument" ploy guaranteed to keep that kid in shape.

There is no need for American kids to be overweight and out of shape. If Jack LaLane can pull five rowboats a mile while swimming at age 90, they can be fit, too. It's never too soon to begin that Spartan regimen.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home