Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, September 16, 2011

How About Trying Grecian Formula?

No Longer Appealing

There's just something about the word "spa" that conjures up vibrant, healthy skin and body tone for all of us as well as a more youthful appearance. Generally, however, the closest most people come to a real spa is the thing that turns on the jets in a whirlpool bathtub...and it's probably just as well. The aging process will get us eventually, despite botox and cosmetic surgeries and spa treatments, so it's best not to be too concerned. Even when people say, "you haven't changed," we know they're lying just so we have to say the same to them. So, people rush to have spa treatments designed to rid them of all that they find distasteful about themselves in hopes of attracting needed attention. But I'm drawing the line at calluses.
There was this fashion trend a year or so ago that featured little fish that sucked the calluses off one's feet to make them baby-bottom smooth (only to get callused again, of course). I thought the idea was entertaining, wrote about it, and even almost stepped into one while visiting in Greece not too long ago. The tickling sensation would have been rather cool, and God knows I have more than enough calluses after running all my life so that the fish would be in a Nirvana-like state. There was just something about it...
it seems, though, that this isn't even the most radical aquatic-based spa treatment, a fact that one man in China found out to his incredibly discomfort.
Zhang Nan, 56, of Hubei Province in China, went to a spa in hopes of ridding himself of all the weathered and worn skin so he would look younger, according to a report in the Los Angeles Times (noted for its Chinese news coverage). Anyway, Nan apparently wanted a full-body treatment so he allowed himself to be immersed in a tank filled with callus-sucking eels. Imagine his consternation when he felt a sharp pain and discovered a (this next part is NOT for the squeamish men in the audience) six-inch eel working its way into his penis! The darn thing being slippery and eel-like, Nan could not get a good grip, and the little devil slithered right into his bladder...removed only through surgery. That HAS to be worse that the little kid batting a wiffle ball into that same area on Dad. But there's more.
Apparently, there is a species of catfish that does this all the time! According to the parasitology department at Kansas State University, somewhere along the Amazon, there is a catfish that will get into a man's penis if said man stops to urinate into a body of water! I know! Incredible: standing there, minding to one's "business," and ZOOM just like that: a catfish has migrated upstream, as it were. Holy moly! Who knew fish could be such an invasive species?
I'm definitely checking every body of water into which I aim from now on.


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