Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Watch What You Wear in Vancouver!

For the eleventh time in the last four years, a foot has turned up in the water outside of Vancouver, British Columbia...yes, a foot. In none of the occurrences did the foot show signs of trauma: being hacked off someone's leg or chewed off by a bear in Yellowstone (admittedly a long shot, anyway). Each appeared to be, simply, a normal foot with a running shoe attached.
The first such incident was recorded in 2007 near Vancouver, and the foot was eventually identified as having belonged to a then-deceased (you think?) man whose family released no other details to a more-than-curious RCMP.
Now, four years and 10 feet later, people are beginning to wonder whether or not something is afoot. Some hard questions are now rising to the surface (in conjunction with feet, I suppose). To wit:
1. Why has this been occurring only on the west coast of Canada near Vancouver?

2. Why has each foot been clad with a running shoe?

3. Where are the people who are, no doubt, looking for their appendage?

Experts have made few strides while weighing in on the subject, and Mark Mendelson, a Toronto /forensic consultant, strangely sees nothing strange at all in the continued floating foot saga. He opines that many people go missing in the waters off western Canada, and finding eleven feet in four years is not suspicious. Other experts did offer at least a reasonable explanation for why these feet have been found floating: running shoe soles are most likely made with polymers to make them lightweight...polymers apparently float...hence wearing running shoes while losing entire tarsal structures will result in highly buoyant feet. Still, that does not account for the other questions.
No word on whether there have been matching pairs word about anything else, for that matter.
Still, if I'm going to Vancouver, I will go nowhere near the water without a PFD and running shoes so ALL of me will float to the surface, or I will wear hiking boots, flannel shirts and carry coins in my pockets so if I go down, there will be NO chance of my feet or any other part of me coming back up
There's enough mystery in Canada without my being a part of it.


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