Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, September 02, 2011

Pain Is Not Funny...Even on TV

It seems like every television program that features "cute" videos for the audience's entertainment features a barrage of offerings in which serious injury could result. CMT has a show, hosted by a comedian, which highlights the dumbest (and potentially most dangerous) accidents folks can have. If you remember Jackass, the premise was basically the same: stupid guys doing dangerous things and, invariably, going down for the count. I'm not talking about the X Games, here: I'm referring to videotaped tomfoolery like hooking up a giant slide on the roof and trying to hit a small, inflatable pool a hundred feet away...stuff like that.
However, the one that always gets HUGE laughs and can, potentially, be the most painful is the footage of a dad pitching a ball to his four-year-old who proceeds to hit a line drive right back into the, uh, groin area of his father. This never fails to get major laughs, but we never see the aftermath. As a guy, I always cringed when this type of "humor" was televised, because it is hard to imagine how painful it is: think kidney stones; think sudden hot flashes of nausea exploding throughout the system; think about wanting to curl up and vomit get the picture...and this doesn't even speak to the diminished possibility of fatherhood at a later date.
I've always been somewhat jealous because women never seem to be involved in any of these pursuits (potentially due to a "smart" gene guys don't have) and, for all I know, don't seem to be in such imminent danger of excruciating pain (OK, there's childbirth, but that's at least agreed upon beforehand...more-so by men, I suspect, but still...) Now, I can stop being jealous because there IS something I just read about that seems at least as painful as the below-the-belt line drive and with potential serious health effects: high impact damage to silicone breast implants.
Recently, a woman in Britain had one explode after getting hit while paintballing: really. Getting hit with a projectile going 190 mph hurts at best, but this woman apparently got hit in the chest, and her implant exploded.
Now, I know most guys would laugh at that, but I would bet it's very painful, and I know there are serious health risks involved in such an instance. I even looked up the FDA warnings about hazards of such cosmetic alteration, and, trust me, you don't want to know...despite the FDA's clearance of such procedures as "safe."
As a result of this incident, paintball operations in the U.K. have changed their procedures to include "information concerning the dangers of paintballing," and "extra padding" for surgically-enhanced participants.
If it were a cartoon, maybe funny. In real life, not so much.
And I'm not pitching to grandkids from less than 20 feet away.


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