Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Are You Loko or Just Chillin'?





It just seems like another one of those "have I been living in a cave?" moments. Of course, not living in an actual city has its disadvantages, especially living not in a city in the Midwest. That said, however, there are some times when I think I'm better off being blissfully unaware; Four Loko is one of those things that falls into the category of blissful ignorance.
It seems that someone had the bright idea to create a buzz totally unlike anything before it so this beverage was concocted and marketed and as an:alcoholic energy drink." If one is to believe the label, this beverage contains 11% alcohol and is stocked with enough caffeine to keep a truck driver going all the way to Shakytown from anywhere in the U.S. It also contains all the usual suspects like taurine that are designed to amp the consciousness to unbelievable levels. It appears, though, that combining alcohol and caffeine can be, uh, rather death-inducing so the F.D.A. is issuing a ban on its release.
Knowing how to capitalize on fear-mongering, Californian Max Baumann just developed an alternative called "Just Chill," said to be an "all natural stress relief drink." Goodness knows that Californios need to relieve some stress what with all the Lindsay Lohan hijinks and Scientologists out there. Containing seven vitamins and minerals as well as gingko, ginseng and something called L-theanine, the beverage contains a mere 12 grams of sugar and 50 calories per can.
I would suspect that soon, people are going to be SO chilled that they forget to go to work, eat lunch or return text messages. Then, the F.D.A. will be all over it.
Word is that the test group to evaluate the "de-stressability" of this drink will be passengers at airports this Thanksgiving who are getting their first, uh, taste of the new screening procedures.
Should be SOME fun!

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