I Need A Bigger Nose

As I peered down at my knees today while touring folks at Lambeau, I noticed signs of sweat soaking through my pants. At about the same time, a ticklish trickle of perspiration wended its way southward from my underarm area...despite the anti-perspirant (or was it merely deodorant?) that I'd generously applied earlier in the day after a strenuous session with WiiFit. It would appear that the dog days of summer are upon us. While dogs pant with their tongues out to alleviate the problem of overheating, and rabbits and elephants have the same function performed by their vast ears, people just sweat, and it's none too attractive. I wistfully wished to be a toucan in order to solve my persipration problem. Of course, that would cause other difficulties: giving tours would be more difficult, and there would be an insatiable desire for Froot Loops, but at least I could cool off discreetly.
That's because, according to researchers from Canada and Brazil, toucans have a thermal radiator one-third the size of their bodies: their beaks.
Darwin postulated that toucan had such large probosci in order to attract mates, though mating itself must have been difficult. Others have ventured a guess that the extremely large bills have to do with peeling fruit or providing a visual warning of some kind; but now, the truth seems to be out: the elongated beak is merely the radiator that regulates body temperatures for these birds.
Dr. Glenn Tattersall from Brock University in Canada used a thermal imaging camera to assess the surface temperature of the toucans' bill in temperatures ranging from 10-35 degress celsius and found undeniably that as the air temperature got warmer, so did the birds' bills. In the evening, as the air cooled, almost NO heat emanated from the bills. This is apparently due to a network of blood vessels in the beak (who knew?) that can either increase or restrict the flow of blood as a method of controlling body heat. Having a thermal window that is one-third the size of the body means that these birds can heat up or cool off very quickly.
Me? I just sweat, and it's not very attractive. Effective, yes; but attractive, not so much.
Oh for a beak one-third of my body length! (and stronger neck muscles)