The Days of Swine and...Sniffles

Let's get one thing straight from the outset here. The current flu epi(or pan)demic has been mislabeled by doomsayers. Everyone from the United States Agriculture Secretary to the World Organization for Animal Health to the Israeli Health Minister insist that what's happening is NOT swine flu. The Israelis because they are not allowed to have contact with pigs in any form as per religious beliefs, and the rest because they prefer either the technical name (H1N1 virus) or prefer to name it like we have many of the flu pan(or epi)demics of the past: by its country of origin. Thus, we've had the Spanish flu of 1918 (not to be confused with Spanish fly which is a different matter entirely, I'm told); we had the Asian flu of 1957; and we had the Hong Kong flu in 1967. Curious to me was the fact that the outbreaks were all contained within a year...so, I guess we just have to stay alive until 2010.
Anyway, this has been called the Mexican Flu though Mexican authorities swear it was brought to Mexico incubating in a traveler from Eurasia (THAT'S broad enough!). It's also being called the North American Flu--again due to region of origin. Thus far, it hasn't arrived in Wisconsin, and it might not since the weather is so cold most of the time that germs can barely survive. However, I, like so many others, have begun to take precautions.

1. I will not travel to Mexico in the coming year. By then, all the drug activity will have ceased becuase all the gangs will have contracted the flu and died...we hope. In addition, the tourist palces will be so hurting for money that they might pay ME to stay there.

2. I will begin wearing a mask at ALL times, not just when I'm entering the 7-11 for some extra cash.

3. My breakfast order at Perkins will now consist of eggs and toast: no ham or bacon. All I can say is that it's a good thing Easter is over!

4. My television watching will alter drastically: no more Green Acres, starring Arnold Ziffel; no more Looney Tunes (That's ALL, folks!).

5. Some of my favorite movies just got crossed off my Netflix queue: Toy Story, featuring Hamm, Charlotte's Web with Wilbur as a star, and Babe will all be going back.

I'm hoping this gets over soon so I can read the Winnie the Pooh stories to my grandson and look forward to eating pork and beans again with my Old Wisconsin hot dogs. I'm not so sure it will be quick, though.
My chimney's had the flu for years and just can't seem to shake it.
We can run, but we can't hide.