Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Monday, October 27, 2008

I Can't Afford To Run

Thankfully, I hope, the political season is winding down, giving us a respite for the next six months until all the memebers of the House of Representatives have to run again. Like most people, I'm tired of all the naysaying, finger-pointing and character-bashing...and that's just between Keith Olberman and Bill O'Reilly! I'm beginning to think that there are far too many nefarious people in this country with far too much influence over the affairs of state that I'm getting nervous. "Well, if you feel that way, why didn't YOU run for something," I hear you say. Fact is, I couldn't dress for it.
I'm a guy who, until a little more than a year ago, hadn't even worn long pants for two days in a row, let alone put on a shirt with actual buttons and accompanying tie. Dress shoes were the patent leather athletic shoes instead of the nylon ones. I would have been hopelessly outclassed, even while trying to portray myself as "the common man."
The excesses of Sarah Palin's outfits are well-documented. The $313,00+ that Cindy McCain spent on that awful dress and jewelry was OK by me since it was probably her own money. Ditto for hubby John's $520 Salvatore Ferragamo loafers (I could not affort Vince Ferragamo's used football shoes). If I had to guess, I would also surmise that Obama's suits, valued at a mere $1500 were bought and paid for by him, and we know Michelle Obama buiys off the rack. So, all that's fine...$22,000 for two weeks' worth of a makeup artist seemed a little extravagant for a beauty pageant performer, but who am I to say? It's not like the pageant was yesterday, or even three years ago. If Cloris Leachman can flaunt cleavage on "Dancing With the Stars," maybe older women...nope, I'm not EVEN going to finish that one.
Anyway, this would be my campaign outfit--notice that's singular, though I might change my shirt every other day when in crowds:

1. baseball cap of whatever minor-league sports team was in the area, but definitely NOT a hat signifying anything to do with golf: too elitist. For variety, I think a Snap-on Tool hat would be just about right: no NASCAR at the risk of offending any particular driver's rabid fan base.(they get that way from following a blur around and around and around!)

2. An earth-toned polo shirt from a local department store: no Nautica or Ralph Lauren; no Nike or Adidas unless I was speaking to a younger crowd. If it's an older crowd, I'd wear a white T-shirt underneath.

3. As the weather got cooler, I'd get a windbreaker from the local fire department... a volunteer department, if possible. The baseball hat becomes a stocking hat unless it's a younger crowd, then I'd get one of those Sherpa-like hats with a long thing hanging from the top.

4. In the pantaloon department, while I'd be tempted to go with sweatpants, I'd probably go with chinos for the older crowd, Carhart's for the rural crowd (with a circle pattern worn in a back pocket)and something with a teeny hole in the knee for the college crowd.

5. Shoes would be the toughest. Being on my feet all day pumping fists and kissing babies would require a lot from a shoe, and I don't know about you, but shoes are the first thing I notice when I meet someone. I'd prbably go with my black Cole-Haan slip-ons with the Nike air sole (nobody would know!) so I could remain comfortable and still maintain that "Joe Politician" look; flip flops for the college crowd would be just right.No athletic shoes: probably made in China in a factory which outsourced U.S. jobs.

None of that fancy schmancy thousand-dollar-apiece separates for me. I'm a man of the poeple, and I shop at Saks in order to appear that way...that's Jim Saks' place down the street. Most of his stuff has hardly been worn and a lot of it is from this decade so it will add a dash of spice to my sartorial splendor.
Just wait until '12.
I'm going to choose Kinky Friedman as a running mate.

1 Comments:

At 8:55 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

I would vote for you DP.

 

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