"And I Said, 'No, No, No, I Don't Do That No More'"

I have to admit to being somewhat mystified at the news of yesterday...Ringo Starr (aka Rickard Starkey) will not be answering my fan mail after the 20th of this month. This news shocked the world this week, and probably eclipsed the financial news in some major daily papers. It probably also exacerbated the downward spiral on the European stock markets as well. At any rate, if you missed it, here's the skinny:
Claiming to be "warning you with peace and love" Starr reiterated that after the 20th of October, he would no longer sign autographs or any other memorabilia that fans send him. He will not open it or look at it...it will go right in the dustbin (British for trash can). The logic behid the 68-year-old's statement was that he simply had too much to do and no longer had time to do answer any of the fan mail. I suppose it's more honest than having some lackey forge a signature, but still...is he that popular anymore?
Certainly not in Liverpool where someone chopped off his head on some foliage sculpture of that band he used to play with...leaving resemblances of the other three unscathed. and all because he said that he didn't miss anything about Liverpool...to all accounts, not a bright and cheery orb in the British Empire by any means.
Yeah (yeah, yeah) he tours and continues to release albums, but does anyone listen? If you have no idea of the quality of his work, listen to the song that I quoted in the title: here's the link from my new favorite music site Yamelo.com

http://www.yamelo.com/clip/ringo-starr/36676_ringo-starr_no-no-song.html

All of this merely leaves me wondering what he has to do that's so pressing as to keep him from connecting with people who MIGHT buy any record (well, CD or Mp3 anyway) that he puts out? I wouldn't want to anger people who supported me even if I didn't have a topiary-like bush of my likeness. There's something seriously amiss here. So, I thought I might try to figure out what he has to do that's so urgent. Feel free to add your own thoughts to this:

1. Call Pete Best to offer him some of the money he missed out on when he got dumped from the Beatles for Ringo. Then, look up each and every fan who scramed "Pete forever, Ringo never!" when he played The Cavern and beat them senseless with bags of money.
2. Call Mick Jagger and find out how HE stayed so popular into Social Security range.
3. Get out the WeedWhacker and clear the nasties from his Octopus's Garden.
4. Watch reruns of Help and shout, "I've still got it!" when his scenes come on. (even though I'm dogging Ringo, this remains one of my favorite all-time movies)
5. Call Nickelodeon and see when reruns of Thomas the Tank Engine will be shown (with Ringo as Mr. Conductor) so he can again shout, "I've still got it!"
6. Watch Barbara Bach in "Caveman" and "The Spy Who Loved Me" and scream, "I've still got it!"
7. Call Eric Carmen and ask him if he'd rather continue with Ringo's All-Star Band or go back and front The Raspberries.
8. Sign the stuff I sent you before the 20th and get it back to me so I can get it up on EBay before all the other Ringoholics out there.

Seriously, the dude's busy!