Go To the Woods With the Bears!

It all started with a somewhat frantic phone call.
"Oh my God! There's green mold ALL OVER THE HOUSE! IT'S EVERYWHERE, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Sitting at my desk at work, there was certainly nothing I could do at the time, but I envisioned a green mass overtaking the house and slowly encroaching on the neighbors' places like molten lava until an atomic bomb would be the only resource left capable of stopping the alien growth. I could see Joel/Mike and the 'bots from MST3K viewing the whole thing and cracking wise about the destruction of the "desirable Red Smith" neighborhood.
For a fleeting moment, I thought that perhaps we'd have to torch the place and begin again, rebuilding like Solomon's temple (though that was rebuilt more than a few times throughout history). I was somewhat relieved that an emergency call had been put through to Dave, the guy who built the house...not that he had any responsibility after four years, but he was apparently the only troubleshooter on speed dial (yes, we have new cell phones).
I rushed somewhat anxiously home to survey the disaster scene but was somewhat disappointed: the place was still standing, and the offending spots were visible from a distance of three feet. True, there were hundreds, if not thousands, of them adorning the south side of our house, and they WERE green, but I failed to see any imminent danger. Armed with a stiff brush and a bucket of bleach/soap and water, I managed to clear part of the offending material...I was satisfied to wait for the rest until it was deemed that my efforts would be successful though I must admit that i checked myself carefully to see if I was beginning to sprout spores.
Dave showed up the next day and informed me that the offending material was nothing more than insect detrius..."poop" if you prefer. It appears that spiders eat flies and crap out waste product. ON MY SIDING! PROBABLY IN BROAD DAYLIGHT! The sheer volume of it made me wonder whether we were due for a spider invasion or whether the fly population had just been decimated. Spider poop, indeed! On closer examination, I even noticed little signs, evidently marking the males from the female "bathrooms" and little flecks of what appeared to be spider toilet paper.
Determined not to let this affront to human decency go unpunished, I borrowed a neighbor's power washer and blasted the remaining residue into the flower beds for fertilizer. Whew! Disaster averted...and a few positives as well:

1. Joe, my neighbor's 4-yr.-old, got to say the word "poop" a few times.
"Ooh, spider poop. EEEWWW!"
"Can I see the spider poop?"
"My mom won't let me poop outside." This comment drew an exasperated look from his mother, but she said nothing, realizing that this was "guy talk." After all, they go camping and boating all the time, and there's NO WAY this kid hasn't been "exposed" to guy elimination habits.

2. I discovered a lot of dirt hiding in the soffits of my house which allowed me to use the power washer for another 20 minutes...it was fun!

3. I discovered that spiders poop blue stuff. How? It turned green on my yellow siding. Must have been blue bottle flies.

4. A person who spends a couple of hours cleaning spider crap (visible from three feet away)off his siding really has to find a hobby of some kind.

What's next? I'm thinking of residing the house to see whether spider poop is a different color on something darker. Well, it's a hobby.