$10,000 Poorer

How many times has this happened to you? Something incredible happens, yet there is nobody around with a video camera to record it for posterity? I mean, I've seen video taken of airplanes falling out of the sky or bridges collapsing and wonder, "Why would anybody train a video camera on a plane or a bridge for days on end just in hopes of getting the catastrophic shot?" Even if I had a camera phone at the ready (which I do not), by the time I snapped the photo, the big event would be over. I tried to film shooting stars once, but I fell asleep waiting for something to happen. To date, my only prescient photo had to do with standing eggs on end during the vernal equinox...really, eggs WILL stand on end during that 24-hour period. I think it works on the autunmal equinox, too, but I have no corroborating photos. Anyway, all I have to show for today's "missing camera moment" is a sore eye courtesy of a woman who takes her name from the word "ruthless."
I understand that "Ruth" is a Biblical name meaning "compassionate friend," but I have to call that into question after she assaulted me today. Actually, it's a bit embarrassing to talk about since I'm probably a foot taller and outweigh the woman by 100 pounds or so, but still, I'm the one who'll have the shiner tomorrow.
Actually, it was a Wile E. Coyote moment, and one that I have never seen or heard of prior to today. You know the old "step-on-the-rake-and-get-hit-in-the-eye" routine? Well, that's what happened to me today, except that I DIDN'T STEP ON THE RAKE!
It was all too impossible to believe: I was announcing at a track meet, and Ruth (not a made-up-for-the-sake-of-anonymity name, either) stepped over to look at a heat sheet to point out her grandson (yes, I got smacked by a grandmother) who was running in a later even. As she turned to walk away, I realized that I had some important business in that direction so I turned to follow. She stepped on a protruding rake tine, and I turned just in time to watch the rake handle hit me just below the looker (said implement was previously leaning against a wall, not lying on the ground, however).
I immediately begain to wail as if struck by, well, a rake handle in the face. Ruth hurried away as if to say she had no idea what had just happened while I had visions of being a pirate at Hallowe'en for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I wouldn't have to worry about that slightly lazy right eye anymore...I'd also have to buy contact lenses for only one eye, too. Just as I was making the best of everything, I uncovered my face and found that my eyeball was unaffected and I wasn't seriously injured (in spite of a massive concussion probably showing up tomorrow) even though my pride had taken a serious beating: nobody was rushing to my aid, and those not laughing hysterically were high-fiving Ruth for making their afternoon less cold and tedious.
Nobody got the video. No real witnesses agreed to back my story in court, and Ruth has become the stuff of legend in Algoma. Every time there's a track meet from now until forever, someone will no doubt say, "Hey, remember that time when the announcer got whacked by the woman who stepped on a rake?"
Well, it's SOME kind of fame, anyway.