Skip TwoDaLoo, My Darling

The word "job" has never held the same connotation for me since Ray used it. I mean, we used to say things like, "I got jobbed" which meant that we were, somehow, cheated...by a referre, let's say. Of course, there's the use everyone knows which connotes an occupation or task which needs to be accomplished. There are slang terms such as "that 6-cylinder job over there," or "It's time for the bank job" if one is the criminal type. A "jobber" is a wholesale merchant (as opposed to the Star Wars character: "Jobber the Gut." Anyway, you get the picture; when Ray used it, I lost all feeling for the word except, EEWWWW!
Ray Ciha was a custodial engineer in the school in which I worked. Colorful in expression, to say the least, Ray referred to a juke box as a "battering ram," insisting that the students would shove it through a wall. He had other unforgettable ones as well, but the classic was his (mis)use of "job." It seems that some miscreants had taken an article of clothing from another student and thrown it in the toilet, whereupon, according to Ray, "THEY DID A JOB ON IT!!" Thus, every time a scatalogical reference arises, I think of Ray. He's on my mind right now as I gaze at an ad in the latest issue of "Consumer Reports" for something called a (really, I'm not kidding!) TwoDaLoo. This piece of crap is a porcelain commode built so that two people can, uh, do a job, side by side. Seriously, I'm not #@^^**% you! The price alone (a steep $1400.00) is enough to make me pray to the porcelain gods, but the thought of actually going #2 in tandem? PUHLEEEZE!
Now, you may be flushed with excitement over this little space-saver (after all, you have two sinks in the bathroom), but not I...thee are these little cartoons running around in my head from Itchy and Scratchy, Ren and Stimpy or Beavis & Butthead which just don't make this idea worth considering. Lest I be too indelicate, let me remind you of two very critical points: noise and, uh, odor. Maybe worst of all, the receptacles are side by side, and each person faces the other. There's just no way I could do that, in spite of the optional TV and iPod docking station.
I can just imagine being PO'ed as you fight over the toilet paper or which section of the magazine each person wanted. Of course, on the other hand, I'd have help if I got stuck on a clue for the crossword puzzle or wanted to share a recipe I'd just found in "Real Simple."
So, if the idea of a double-barrelled potty bowls you over, go to WiseRep.com and check it out.
Me? I think I'll try to hold off for awhile.