Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Dressed to Thrill...or Kill

I've enver been tempted to dress all crazy on Halloween in an attempt to win contests, free drinks, smouldering looks from the ladies, etc. This year, however, I think I just might because I have several ideas for costumes that might be killers. Why am I giving out this information more than a week before the big day? Simple, you'll never be able to duplicate them! I will provide the source for my costume possibilities though: the Bible. That's right...thought you'd read it carefully, huh? Not so.
Here are my possibilities:
1. Behemoth. As seen in the Book of Job, this critter is HUGE...a landwalking brother to the Leviathan (not to be confused with Levites of the Old testament), this buffalo-like critter is stronger than anyone or any group due to its massive size.

2. The Book of Revelations describes a flock of human-headed locusts. The problem would be the shell of myself which I would have to leave on a tree the next day...small detail. 'nuff said

3. Cynocephali. While not strictly mentioned in the Bible, the next critter WAS noted by St. Augustine in his "City of God" (close enough for me). This critter is a barking, dog-headed human. Now, can you just IMAGINE the props I would get as this guy? Plus, I'd have the advantage of being allowed to use the fire hydrant if the bathroom was full. Of course, if the facility WAS occupied, it wouldn't be for long when a howling dog-boy came in.

4. The Book of Daniel mentions a horned monster...but that's just the beginning: this creature's horns have additional horns sprouting out from them AND these horns have eyes and screaming mouths! The mouths apparently screamed battle cries, but screaming aloud for another light beer might be just as effective at clearing the buffet table at this year's Halloween gig.

MY FAVORITE:

BLEMMYAE: These are headless humanoids whose faces are imbedded in their chests! This would be the absolute best costume to have, especially when I begin to talk out of my chest! The trick, of course, would be to make my head disappear, though there are folks who have said that happens every time I open my mouth. I think they're just jealous. While this was not a biblical creature, I added it because...well, because it's cool; and, anything mentioned in Shakespeare's "Othello" deserves a place.

As soon as I get my costume ready for this year, you can find it on YouTube and be envious of all the fame I'm accumulating.
By the way, candy corn has fewer calories than chocolate. Well, DUH! It's a vegetable!

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