I Hope I Die Before I Get Old

It seems that lately, the old age thing has been reinserting itself into my consciousness...this despite the fact that I do not consider myself "old." Retired, yes, but still gainfully employed. If fact, I even got the September call-up from the Packers to do tours on Friday afternoon. So, I'm still useful. But it has been everywhere, it seems.
It started when I was asked by a professor to speak to his Adulthood and Aging class on what being "older" was like. He even invited me back for future presentations...either because I was stimulating or because he wanted to kill time in class. Eiter way, it started me musing.
Saturday, as is our usual custom, my wife and I went to visit her father in the nursing home. This time it was "Family Day" with outdoor eats and musical entertainment. There was also a religious service, but we didn't stay since Humpy said he'd been to enough services as a child to have some grace in the bank. Anyway, the musical entertainment was what I noticed. There were two guys who played a variety of instruments and performed music that ranged from polkas and cha chas to Bobby Vinton Polish love songs. For the flashy costume changes, they changed from lime green derby hats to straw hats to cowboy hats...ALL WHILE CONTINUING TO PLAY AND SING! Their renditions of "Sixteen Tons" and "Daddy Sang Bass" made my ears crinkle, but nobody else seemed to mind. When I wondered aloud if they ever played any other gigs besides this one (I had seen them last year as well), my wife countered with, "Do you have any idea how many nursing homes there are? We'd LOVE to have these guys at some of the functions put on in our county!" I stood corrected.
The food amounted to one hot dog/brat/burger, a bag of chips and sauerkraut. There was also popcorn, unsalted but with no deadly microwave butter flavor, and a cup of ice cream (no wooden spoon).
There was also a guy walking around in what looked to be a wizard outfit. I figured he'd do some magic tricks for the kids or give away trinkets, but he didn't He just stood in one spot giving the "thumbs up" sign and repositioning his wig. He wierded me out, I will say.
Then, I thought what things would look like if this event were to happen when MY GENERATION will be in the home. Here's the plan:
MUSIC: The Stones. Nobody else will do. We'll all be sitting in our wheelchairs or standing with our walkers, tapping our slipper-encased feet as we sing "Satisfaction." Mick will have forgotten the words, but the women will still scream, and the guys will take up the slack.
FOOD: Pizza and beer. Of course, the pizza will have to have a soft crust even though most of us will still have our teeth. Instead of popcorn, there will be taco dip (mild sauce only), and Little Debbie snack cakes will be the dessert item. Those not interested in the beer will have green tea with a little ginseng root mixed in just to liven up the party.
No wizard, but some guy walking around playing musical armpit (or nose flute) would seem to be about right.
The big finale will be the SupportHose Hop. This will occur after Mick collapes. Someone with an old iPod (me, likely) will crank out tunes fifty or sixty years old made famous by The Clash, The Beastie Boys (we wanna fight for our right to paaarrteee!) and Garth Brooks. All in all, it will be a gala affair, and our kids will leave there saying to each other,
"What the hell?"
For a preview, click on the link below. You'll see what I mean.
"Only the good die young!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqfFrCUrEbY