Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, September 07, 2007

"The Sky is Falling; the Sky is Falling"

Every now and then, things happen that convince me that The Apocalypse is nigh. So many odd, unforeseen things happening in one week make me jittery, and I get the feeling that I'll wake up dead very soon. Some of these have happened in the sports world, some in entertainment, and some just defied explanation. To wit:

1. Kohl's department store refused to give me the senior citizen discount the other day, in spite of the fact that I've gotten it before...that it was the only reason I shopped there on Wednesday (15% is a lot to a person on a fixed income...as opposed to my dog that is just "fixed"). The clerk got angry, I suspect, because I was nowhere near the 62 she said I had to be. We retired people are discriminated against a lot! I think she was just upset because I had proven her wrong on a sale price (fixed income, you know).

2. Microwave popcorn has been discovered to be highly injurious to our lungs. Come on, now! Smoking I can understand, but the chemical that gives microwave corn (we call it "maize") its buttery flavor is deadly? Apparently so, though to this point it has been noted only in factory workers who develop the stuff and some guy who eats 2 or 3 bags a day. Criminey! Next we'll find out that sitting too close to a big screen TV is harmful!

3. Whoopi Goldberg has become a regular on "The View." This is better than Rosie? Not only that, but she defended dogfighting as endemic to certain parts of the country...like that makes it OK. Definitely barking up the wrong tree.

4. Jerry Lewis used a derogatory, three-letter word for homosexuals on his telethon. Jerry, buddy! ON THE TELETHON? This is a sure sign of Armageddon.

5. Michigan lost to Appalachian State in football. Most of us didn't even know there WAS a state named Appalachia in this country.

6. Some Vanessa chick from "High School Musical" has nude photos posted on the internet. This is a Disney production, in case you hadn't noticed...almost as popular as American Girl stuff; and now one of the stars has gone full frontal (according to the Enquirer) on the 'net? Jiminy Crickets!!!

7. Someone actually laughed out loud today when I commented about the driving rain: "It was raining cats and dogs out there. I know because I just stepped in a poodle."

The end is definitely in sight, and we'll know for sure if the Eagles beat the Packers this Sunday.

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