So Long So-Cal! (Burp!)

Warren Zevon had it right...he was just a few years too early. "When California slides into the ocean like the mystics and statistics say it will..." Well, Zevon didn't live to see it, but I guarantee you it will happen this summer, and the fault line will be somewhere near the right field bleachers at Chavez Ravine. Think I'm nuts? Not so fast. There's more than song lyrics which lead me to the Nostradamus-type prediction. You'll see.
The Los Angeles Dodgers announced today that they will open the right field bleacher seats, some 3,000 in all, as an "all-you-can-eat" section for Dodger home games. For a one-time fee of $35 advance and $40 game day, any fan can belly up to the buffet ninety minutes before game time and continue to gorge until two hours after the game starts or until he or she explodes. This is a veritable bonanza for eaters...or ponderosa, however you want to take it.
As a point of reference, left field bleacher seats will go for ten bucks. Heck, five Dodger Dogs and a soda will equal the $35 I'd spend for the buffet line. The risk is, of course, that all the heavy hitters and wannabes from Nathan's contest in Atlantic City will be hogging all the seats AND eating all the dogs, peanuts, popcorn, and nachos while guzzling more soft drinks than I could put away in a year. Naturally, the lines for the bathrooms will be super-sized as well! Of course, you realize that soon the weight will pile up in that section of the stadium, and Southern California will fall right into the ocean. Since I am a true blue Dodger hater, I've never been to the park, and the right field stands might be on the east side of the stadium...making my argument indefensible; nonetheless, when Dodger Stadium allowed itself to be passed off as the home of the then-Anaheim Anglels in the first "Naked Gun" movie, I lost all respect for the tradition it might have had.
Of course, there are those in Brooklyn who would gladly see the place do a belly flop into the ocean.
Anyway, before you get all excited and get out MapQuest for a road trip, I must tell you that beer, ice cream and candy items are NOT part of the deal. They sell at regular stadium prices. If you have to ask, you can't afford 'em.
Leave it to the Dodgers to ruin a perfectly good idea. If you want a road trip idea, though, find that minor league ballpark near St. Louis that last year promoted the burger deep-fried with bacon and cheese inside a Krispy Kreme doughnut (3,000 cal.)...$4.50 and only on Thursdays, if I recall. AND...there was little risk of falling into the ocean.
"Grub up!" as my friend Karl used to say.