Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, October 20, 2006

"Red Dawn" It Ain't

As our school once again prepares for the annual joke known as standardized testing designed to gauge our fitness as a district, it is interesting to note that candidates and legislators are grappling with education reform as well. We need to prepare our students for entrance into the world, not just our little corner of it. I agree, and keeping our kids safe from crazies with weapons is also a major concern, but I want to know...who the hell is thinking of this stuff?
Bill Crozier, a candidate for the job of state superintendent of school in Oklahoma (a state where even land rushes start ahead of time), has suggested placing heavy books under each students' desks to be used as protection in case of flying bullets! Our candidates in Wisconsin merely throw mud and cow flop at each other...this guy conjures up images of flying bullets! Crozier, a teacher and former security officer in the Air Force, has produced a short video in which he shoots a variety of weapons at a language book, a math book and a telephone book. The rifle penetrated two books while a single calculus book stopped the 9mm projectile. The new Harcourt,Brace textbooks will, no doubt, have kevlar covers and come only in 15"x18" versions. I say just give everyone a copy of something written by a Russian novelist, and they're good to go. Yet, the craziness doesn't end there.
Burleson, Texas, has the idea of giving every student "combat" training presented by Robin Browne, and instructor for Response Options, a company that provides training for such emergencies. Using training methods, students scream loudly at the first sight of a gun, then throw books (presumably stored under their desks for protection)and everything within reach at the attacker's head and body...then RUSH THE SHOOTER AND GRAB ONTO ARMS AND LEGS!! Pencils can then be used for close combat and, I guess, rulers can be used to rap knuckles smartly, rendering the assailant helpless. Lest you think this is a hoax akin to bombing NFL stadia, Browne says, "Five or six seventh-graders and a 95-pound art teacher can immobilize a 200-lb. man with a gun."
I was relieved to hear that. It takes the pressure off of physical education teachers like me. I am free, it would seem, to run quickly the other way and accompany my students out the door. Remember, this is an entire school district buying into the idea of having youngsters attack armed assailants. Their theory is that sitting quietly will only result in getting shot while attacking a gun-toting lunatic will result in fewer youngsters getting shot. I know I'd teach my kid to be the first to volunteer for heading up the posse.I guess.
The prize, though, goes to Rep. Frank Lasee of (shudder) Wisconsin who suggested recently that the real answer lay in allowing teachers, principals and administrators to carry concealed weapons in order to foil any would-be attack. He did suggest that strict training precede the ability to pack heat (Karl Walters shooting TVs and VCRs comes to mind)and admitted that there might be a glitch due to the federal prohibition against firearms on school grounds. NRA logic would respond that if guns were not allowed, only criminals and school shooters would have them. (another argument for another day). Lasee backed off following the firestorm of protest and said he really meant that guns should be locked in a secure place to be retrieved in case of emergency.
"Would you excuse me for a moment? I just need to run to the office for a sec." Uh, yeah.
While teachers in Thailand and Israel were used as examples of such a practice, I hardly think our schools face the kind of threat found in those locales. That reminds me to cancel my application to teach in Bangkok, by the way.
It is presumed that handguns and not sawed-off shotguns would be categorized as concealed weapons. In that case, what are we going to do if someone rushes into our building carrying an AK47 and a calculus book or Dostoyevsky novel?
And you thought election season was going to be the same old story?
You'll have to figure out the "Red Dawn" reference for yourself.

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