Leave it to the British: those who gave us Monty Python's Flying Circus, "Fawlty Towers" and the original idea for "All In the Family." They must have oodles of time on their hands. Those east of us are widely recognized for inventing badminton, cricket, and probably the early form of Australian football (which nobody understands). Not at all like the Irish game of hurling which is somewhat like legalized murder. The latest sport from those chaps is contested three times a year in places like Thailand, Sri Lanka and Nepal. I know, it doesn't sound very British. There is a reason the game is played in those locales though it WAS invented by two Englishmen (in the noonday sun, one would suppose) in the 1980's in St. Moritz, Switzerland. Yeah, that's right: a couple of moneyed guys with time on their hands decide to have some fun at someone else's expense, and the game of elephant polo was born. If you understand that the basic implement for elephant polo is, well, an elephant, you can also see why the tournaments are played where they are...a plethora of pachyderms who get a few days vacation from hauling logs and hunting tigers; sort of an olympics for the big guys (and girls, too, one might imagine).
The King's Cup Elephant Polo Championships were held recently, and,for the first time ever, there was an American contingent: not exactly the Dream Team, but they were there for the stars and stripes. How does one practice for such an activity, you might ask, there being a limited number of live animals to use outside of the aforementioned SE Asian countries? Well, the Germans practice by sitting atop Volkswagen vans as they swing their mallets. One can almost hear them shout "Fahrfignugen!" as they speed down the course. The inventive Americans practiced by perching on swing sets (ow!). None of that really prepared them for the true experience.
Hanging on for dear life to a charging three-ton descendent of Hannibal's legions while trying to hit a baseball-sized ball with a ten-foot mallet might seem somewhat precarious, but at least the players don't have to drive: each mount has a driver and a player. Common problems involve dodging elephant flop (imagine the mine field THAT must create!) and having the game suspended due to an inadvertant steppage when the mount smooshes the ball deep into the sod. Add to that the fact that the Americans were facing The Dark Horse of Delhi, and you can imagine it turned out to be "a learning experience."
My experience with an elephant in Thailand (no mallet, no ball AND, suddenly, no driver) assures me that I will never be a part of what promises to be a future olympic event. I will stick to mailbox baseball, but if Ralph Lauren ever comes out with a shirt that pictures some wacked-out guy atop an elephant brandishing a mallet, I'm buying one.