Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Monday, March 05, 2012

No Ushers? Snack Away!

Visa or Mastercard, sir?

We had a drive-in theater in my hometown, and the stories of all the hormone-pulsing "action" were well-advertised, though a good portion of the stories were probably fabricated. However, in the days before any of us had a driver's license, our only choice was the darkened back rows of the inside movie theater. Not the most comfortable passion pit, I'll admit, but where else could we get away from our parents and be left (mostly) alone in the quasi-dark for a couple of hours (counting the cartoons)? So it was that our most enticing dream was to spend a few hours parked legally (and safely) in the dark with no armrests as inhibitors...or ushers.
The ushers were the bane of movie-going lovers at the time: always shining the flashlight around and breaking up the clinches in the back. Help somebody find a seat? No way...they were sent there by our parents to continue the vigilance in loco parentis...or at least it seemed that way.
But, eventually, we got the drive-in experience and now NetFlix and movies on demand...the thrill is mostly gone at the theater. Plus...almost nobody makes fresh popcorn anymore: it all comes bagged to be reheated in an attempt to pass for the real thing. And that's part of what triggered Joshua Thompson's legal ire.
Thompson, of Livonia, Michigan, decided that he was mad as hell and not about to take it any longer: "it" being the exorbitant price gouging that goes on at movie theaters for the snacks folks ingest while watching ads to get more snacks instead of the aforementioned cartoons we used to get.
Thompson did what many of us might do: he brought his own treats in protest of the steep prices for snacks...until the theater he attends put up a sign forbidding such a practice. That made him angry, so he did what everybody seems to do at the slightest provocation: he called a lawyer who made him aware of Michigan's Consumer Protection Act that was implemented to halt price gouging. Thus, a class action suit has been initiated against AMC Theatres in Michigan.
While this may seem like a) a great idea or b) another frivolous waste of time suited only to enrich lawyers, I must admit that the prices seem really steep for something I can purchase or make for a fraction of the cost.
Naturally, sneaking popcorn into the theater in a huge tub would be conspicuous, but a pocketful of Junior Mints or a Slo-Poke would be easy enough(just don't forget they're secreted away in a pocket!). After all, there are no more ushers so nobody would be frisking you at the door. And, given the increase in DVDs and other movie outlet sources, the darkened back rows of the theater are once again available.


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