I Scream...You Scream...

So, really, what do you know about South America in general? It's a continent...it's south of here...Columbia has a goofy leader and lots of drugs...Argentina has beef...and Brazil has Pele and usually kills everyone else in soccer. That's about it, as far as my basic knowledge is concerned...or WAS concerned. One of the eating frenzy deals in chicago is a Brazilian steak house that features all-you-can-eat steak; oh yeah, Rio has Carnival as well...and there's that coffee guy Juan Valdez...and Buth and Sundance went to Bolivia (and as grade schoolers, we got great thrills out of saying "LakeTiticaca" though I continue to be unsure of the spelling). Even then, though, I had no real interest in going to any of those places.
All that has changed.
It has come to my attention that, as a result of careful scrutiny of the news wires, that Merida, Venezuela, is the next place I want to visit. On a day that included discovery of a southern restaurant in Green Bay that serves such things as black-eyed peas (boom, boom, pow!) and sweet potato pie in addition to "greens," my taste buds are leading me southward to Venezuela. What would create such a yearning, indeed, a need to spend at least a month there? Manuel da Silva Oliviera's gastronomical delights: 860 flavors of ice cream!
Long known to be one of the major food groups, ice cream is a reason to live, and I can think of no better way to do that than by sampling most of the 860 flavors. A casual glance at the flavor board shows delights such as chili, tomato, gherkin, onion, garlic and cream of crab ice creams. Eggs, macaroni and cheese are also on the menu in this haven of heaven begun by Oliviera in 1980. Of course, there are some "mystery" flavors as well; after all, the ordinary has to become commonplace eventually. Such flavors include British Airways, Sorry Darling, and Viagra Hope (well, maybe that one isn't such a mystery).
In addition, one can have an entire meal of ice creams by choosing the house special: "pabellon criollo" which mimic the traditional Venezuelan diet of beef, rice, plantains, cheese and black beans. Sounds yummy, doesn't it. But why would I need an entire month? There are usually only 60 flavors a day, necessitating a lengthy sojourn south.
I wonder if I could get a sponsorship from the Food Channel...maybe "Man vs Food."
Forget Paris! Venezuela, here I come...if my GPS will work there.