Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Save the Hallowe'en Decorations!



With a pile of plastic and trash as big as Texas floating out in the Pacific (really! I'm NOT making that up!) and women continuing to be stoned in Somalia, and Jon and Kate STILL broken up, I realize there are bigger problems in the world than the one I'm about to bring up. However, in the interest of family unity, I feel it's my duty to encourage all of you to get out there and gather all the pumpkins left over from Hallowe'en. Just this evening, I had to rush to our local dump and wrest a few of the better ones away from the deer who venture out every night to the delight of several dozen onlookers who think it's the darn zoo. Fortunately, the neighborhood teenagers only destroyed about half of those dotting the stoops (we live in a very posh neighborhood, obviously). And it's fortunate for you that I am willing to share this potentially horrifying news with you: there might NOT be enough canned pumpkin for this year's Thanksgiving dinner...and I'm serious about this as well.
It seems that the Nestle Company has a virtual monopoly on all the processed pumpkin in this country, and it's in serious trouble! You're familiar, of course, with the big cans of Libby's canned pumpkin...you know, the one that has the recipe on the label for that PERFECT pumpkin pie. Well, the farm that grows those pumpkins had a terrible year.
Located in Morton, Illinois (trust the FIBs to mess it up!) suffered some of the worst weather just about harvest time this year. In fact, there was so much rain that most of the "product" went unpicked. Well, how much can that really BE, I hear you thinking. If all of the pumpkins on that particular farm had been made into pies, there would be 90 million pumpkin pies. See what we're going to miss? Of course, Nestle doesn't make ALL of the pumpkin...just between 80%-90%. That means there might still be some other brand out there...but only for those quick enough to get to the store NOW! Surely, there's a 24-hour market near you. Go NOW! You won't be sorry.
I was smart enough to get mine. Don't disappoint your family.
Or, you could end up substituting sweet potatoes like my mother used to do...really!

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