"The Problem With A Kitten Is That..."

"...eventually, it becomes a cat." That is one of my favorite poems of all time. Back in grade school, we were forced to memorize poetry in order to make us more sophisticated...or something. Alas! (poetic!) The trouble with me was that I really wanted no part of such shenanigans; thus, I always dragged the Ogden Nash collection off the shelf and searched for poetic wisdom like the one quoted earlier in addition to pithy things like "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker" which was another favorite treatise on how to endear oneself to a female companion. Anyway, so here we are amid the felines of the world, and it's time to redefine some terminology. Forewarned is forearmed, I think.
Beverly Hills recently hosted a "Cougar Convention." I immediately thought of my friend Patty who claims to have seen a mountain lion/cougar/panther/chupacabra/yeti type creature in Door County. Imagine my dismay to found that a "cougar" really wasn't a man-eating prey-stalking, loner that hunted for easy pickings...wait...maybe it IS!
Turns out that such a name applies to women over 40 years of age who "date" younger men in their 20s, a la Demi Moore or Susan Sarandon. and it appears that there is a hierarchy as well: a "kitten" is a woman in her 20's who stands no chance against the more mature "puma" in her 30's or the aforementioned "cougar" in her 40's when it comes to tracking down the solitary "cub" who is easy pickings, either because the woman has money, is incredibly, uh, hot, or both. Don't ask me, I am totally out of the loop here.
Of course, older men have been dating much younger women longer than Hugh Hefner has been alive, but this added twist adds a new chapter in the liberated life of women. What the girls want, the girls get, it would appear. I mean, there's even a television show about it, named "Cougar Town" starring Courtney Cox...wouldn't you know? It was only a matter of time before Levi Johnston shows up there...is he even 18 yet?
So, let's see, if the woman has to be twice the guy's age, that means I'd be easy prey for some 120-year old, uh, "snow leopard." I think I'm safe, although I DID just see something about a snow leopard when I turned on my computer tonight.
EEK!