Postpartum Blues

I never really got to know my paternal grandmother: she lived in Texas with all my dad's family, and we lived in Kansas. Perhaps this was not so far as the world is concerned, but this was a time when interstate travel was a major undertaking. As a result, I would see her once a year...and I was always a little uncomfortable around her. My only clear memory involves a bizarre (at least I thought so at the time) incident when she visited us once. Somehow, I had developed a huge blister on the palm of my right hand...in the middle of the night, I'm startled awake by my grandmother holding my hand and praying over it. As if that wasn't enough, the next day as she left on the bus, she shook my hand vigorously...and popped the blister. The pain was all I remember. It's sad, really, to have that as the only clear memory of a person who was probably a nice lady and loved her grandchildren.
We saw my maternal grandmother every weekend. After church, we would pack up, head out to the farm, and spend the days in exploration, eating fried chicken, and playing baseball with my uncles. My memories are all totally positive, and I mourned every time one of my mother's family members died. The contrast in my current life struck me today.
We took a day trip to Chicago to hang out with the new granddaughter (who, BTW, is the cutest EVER!) and our oldest son's wife and mother-in-law. Since the maternal grandmother lives with the new parents, she is the main baby care person (Mom had a C-section and is a bit incapacitated except for feeding and cuddling) . Grandma Thom speaks no English but is obviously very caring and loves the baby. Great for the baby...not so great for me. While we can travel to Chicago more frequently than I was able to get to Texas, the distance is still a factor...as is winter weather, job commitments, etc.
I know little Sotheary will have great love and care, but I would like for my sweetie and me to be able to provide a bit more of that. We got to take her for her first walk in the stroller today, we got to feed and change her...but mostly, we got to watch her sleep. Still, the moments are treasures to us.
I only hope she'll remember something other than a painful experience when I'm no longer around.