Toyland, Toyland, All The Girls and Boy Land...

Flying Monkey

"Oh, Crap!"


It's the day before the Night Before Christmas, and, if you're like many folks (the ones, at least, who are not snowed in, without power, recently laid off from the auto industry or a victim of that Madoff guy) you probably have some last minute shopping to do. Like Charlie Brown who always gets the most scraggly Christmas tree, you are doomed to scour frantically through CostCo for what the earlier frenzy has left behind. Waht you'll find are Wii games like "Super Mario Learns to Spell" or "Rock Band 3: the KIngston Trio Years." No way you'll end up with something every kid wants, but you'll continue to fool yourself because that's what you do every year. While I know it's too late for you, I would like to tease you with what you COULD HAVE had...had you the forsight to actually plan ahead.

The "must have" toy for girls this year is something called "Baby Alive Learns To Potty." Seriously...It IS the one thing every little girl wants, according to Brigid Schulte, a staff writer for the Washington Post. Mothers have been wont to stand for hours in the cold, dark of the long winter or drive hundreds of miles in hopes of getting their hands on this golden child. As you might surmise, this doll actually comes with "green beans" and "bananas" which go in one end and, uh, come out the other. Put the doll on her pink plastic toilet, and she says, "I made a stinky," and, sure enough, there's, uh, "stuff" lying there...and it's not a talking Mr. Henkie the Christmas poo, either.
According to Kathleen Harrington, senior brand manager for Hasbro's Baby Alive dolls, " As adults, we might be a little grossed out. But it's so magical and so funny and so silly for these girls. The little doll is coming to life, so the little girl doesn't believe it's just a doll. It's her baby." She really said that...talk about gender intensification! And "magical"? Whatever happened to Mr. Wizard's science kit or magic kits for kids?
Even Jim Silver, the editor of "Time to Play," a Web magazine that reviews toys, says children want reality. "By the time they're 5 or 6, they don't want a play telephone, they want a real cell phone. This baby doll is all about nurturing."
To me, it seems like it's all about reinforcing the idea of motherhood for all girls without guys around to help. But that's just me.
BTW, this doll comes in the standard caucasian version as well as an African-American and Hispanic version. Check out the commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEAQiJqgbVw

For my money, though, the gift of the year is the Flying Monkey. About $50 cheaper than a doll that poops, the flying monkey zooms through the air while emitting screeching sounds. If you don't think that's fun, trust me...IT IS! I could have sold 20 of them this week when I demonstrated it at work. Originally, I bought it for my oldest son who maintains that the absolute best movies are those with aliens AND flying monkeys (don't even TRY to figure him out!). However, since my soujourn to Modern-Day Bethelhem (Chicago) for the census has been cancelled due to inclemency, I'll have to present it later. Actually, I had to order another one since his has been used constantly for three days, and it hardly seems right to give a thoroughly-used gift along with the gold, frankincense, etc.
A YouTube video of the Office Flying Monkey Olympiad is availabe if you are interested. Go to handhelditems.com and the video is on the web site where you, too, can purchase the greatest gift ever! Sure to be the toy of choice for every kid from about 3 to about 93 who's a little left of center. AS I zoomed it past my unsuspecting daughter, she screamed at the top of her lungs and later explained that she thought I'd thrown a cat at her! What would PETA or the SPCA say? Me? A well-known cat lover? Perish the thought. Anyhow,I promise you will not be disappointed...AND, it's cheap!
There you have it: the two hottest toys on the planet which you will NOT be able to get for Christmas giving...but sure to be a big hit with your youngster anytime!
Me, I'm going to get all magical now and make a stinky with Gassy Gus (relegated to third place in the best toys of the year competition).