Uh, Point That The Other Way, Please

I have never owned a gun. I found a BB gun once in a ditch, and I think I still have it, but I don't know where it is. We used to hunt squiirels and rabbits when I was a kid, and I shot a gopher once with a bow and arrow, but I've never been big on having weapons around...too many accidental bad things could happen. Plaxico Burress can attest to that. Seriously, think about how BAD that could have been: he's got a pistol in his waistband for protection...it slips down his pants leg...he grabs for it...and POW! he pulls the trigger, firing a lead projectile into his thigh (what, no safety?). Maybe it's just me, but what if that gun would have been pointing more toward a, uh, sensitive area? See what I mean about dangerous? Hunting weapons, OK by me unless they are automatic weapons since I know how twitchy a trigger finger can get while hunting. Concealed in a waistband...uh, no. Just the thought of an accident in that region would scare me straight. Plax is lucky to have a friend like Joey Porter who has his back.
It seems Porter makes a logical case for packing heat: he listed the number of high-profile players who've been robbed, carjacked and shot, some to death, all because of a lack of protection. Me? I've never felt particularly threatened at the Piggly Wiggly, but I suppose megastars travel in slightly different circles. I mean, Porter should know. He got shot last year at a nightclub as an innocent bystander. He took a 9mm slug right where Forrest Gump got one (still too close to the "danger zone" for my money). Those of us in semi-rural mid-America just don't get it.
Some of my students tell me stories that would frighten anybody about how the city is just not a safe place. One student related his first incident with a drive-by shooting that happened before he was a teenager! Another student related a story in which his parents would ask HIM for money every month while he was a college student. There is a whole different world out there that most of us just don't get. We think of Plaxico Burress and shake our heads, saying, "Why would he need to have a gun in the first place?" or "Why would he be in a place that he feels danger?" Culture is why...a culture to which I do not belong nor will ever be a part of...and probably can say truthfully that I'm OK with that.
My life seems so simple these days in spite of the Dow falling like the horse Mungo smacks in "Blazing Saddles." In spite of higher prices and falling snowstorms, I do not have to worry about being shot on a regular basis. I don't worry much about somebody breaking into my house, though it's possible, and the only drive-by I worry about is people speeding down a street on which a lot of kids live.
I've got it good here in Mid-America, and I wouldn't give it up for the glitz and glamour of the high roller, club-hopping life of the soon-to-be-targets, even though I'd still like to play shortsop for the Yankees.
I doubt Jeter is worried about that.