Talk Is Cheap: Get the Pepper Spray

There are more bizarre happenings in the world today than I can recall of late. Is this a portent of things to come? I'll talk to the augurers and get a reading on it... I am truly mystified by these items which will, no doubt be the fodder for talk shows everywhere.

1. Barbaro is dead. Yeah, I know it's been awhile (Since January 29 at 4:28:20 p.m. to be exact), but flags at half mast for a month? Interrment at Arlington? I suppose he's going to be canonized soon as well. IT WAS A HORSE!

2. Charles Barkley actually wins money in Vegas. Instead of dropping the estimated 10 million, Sir Chuck actually made $700,000 last weekend playing blackjack and betting on the Colts. Someone should investigate Vegas; however, Barkley did admit to losing over $2 million in one night last year and admits that it's a bad habit...but not one he's going to give up. I love him for his honesty, but I don't want my kids to grow up like him (except for having the money part)

3. A former NBA player is supposed to announce his real sexual status (gay) on Valentine's Day. I, for one, will probably not notice unless EVERY NEWS OUTLET IN THE COUNTRY PICKS THIS UP! How this qualifies as news is 'WAY beyond me.

4. Morgan State head basketball coach screams at and shakes an assistant manager at a local restaurant after a loss. "I don't want ham sandwiches," he is purported to have yelled while shaking the assistant manager. Turkey is much better for your heart, coach. Kinda makes you wish for the Cincinnati Bengals again.

5. Roger Clemens still has not decided if/when/where he will pitch again. It's like a recurring daytime drama, and talk shows love this kind of stuff on a slow news day because the Yankees fans and Red Sox Nation get all up in each others' grills about it. Watch him sign with the Rangers! (New York OR Texas)

6. Tyrus Thomas of the Chicago Bulls is fined $10,000 for saying he was only going to the dunk contest for the money. BYW, Thomas is the first Bulls' player even IN the contest since Scottie Pippen! Well, DUH! David Stern! Why the heck else would he go? The fame? the chicks? the props from his peeps? Now, though, he has to win place or show because the money he makes will cover the fine. ($35k for first, $22.5k for second and a bit over $16k for third.)Now I have to watch it just to see how he does. That's shrewd marketing by the NBA.

7. A love triangle at NASA (Not All Sane Astronauts). One astronaut drives 900 miles to spray another with pepper spray in an apparent attempt to get her to leave yet a third astronaut alone. I thought wearing a diaper was an interesting twist. Why not just fly there and avoid the whole drive? Well, there was the steel hammer. That would almost probably for certain not make it past the security folks, I guess. I wonder how much the Air Force paid for that hammer?

8. Snickers wins the contest for the most controversial ad during the SuperBowl, then is forced to take it off the air becasue it offended gay rights activists. Two things: 1. I saw the ad, and I didn't even think about homosexuality. I thought mostly about how much pulling hair out of my chest would hurt 2. There were three possible endings featured on the candy maker's web site, and the other two didn't make the cut. What were they? I couldn't find them tonight.

9. One final SuperBowl reference: Robert Goulet. I wonder whether his obviously living performance affects the countdown on the "Robert Goulet Death Watch" in "Hitch" magazine. Rod, let me know!