Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Monday, December 19, 2011

You've Come A Long Way...Sir

What's next? A handy carrying pouch?

As is true in most households, I suspect, the counter space in the bathroom is not equally divided in our house. I have a small space for contact lens solutions, a toothbrush holder and a spot to place the splint I have to wear at night to keep from awakening the neighbors by grinding what's left of my molars. The rest of the 3.5 acre space is devoted to all things feminine. The only things I recognize (or care to divulge) are the three or four bottles of "eau de Something" hair dryer, jewelry cases, soaps, and in order to avoid getting caught with my jargon down, bottles and tubes of "other" stuff. Most of the female accouterments are of the "you don't want to ask, and I wouldn't tell you anyway" variety, so I merely guard my space jealously and watch helplessly as the pile grows large enough on the other side of the sink to be confused with a cityscape from a Godzilla movie. But that might change...
First of all, who knew I even needed a product that would renew my face after a long, sleepless, and probably eventful (if I could remember it) night? apparently, I am the last to find out about Nickel's Morning After Rescue Gel, filled with a touch of menthol to stimulate my otherwise listless brain cells, and enough caffeine to tighten up all the pores (and presumably saggy parts) on my face. Heck, I've just been sucking on cough drops and throwing a Coke in my face every, I can be a sophisticate!
While I'm discussing my face, I've noticed lately that every woman I meet peers intently at my face as if noticing all the grime-filled pores left from a too-careless face wash (or...they are recalling a face they've seen on the post office wall.) The smart money says that every woman notices such things, and I should clean up my act...using Clinique's Face Scrub Exfoliant Visage. never mind that it feels (supposedly) like silt on one's face and doesn't lather (where's the fun?); it is supposed to work magic on every guy's face...and, face it, we mostly need some magic.
And finally, the sun has played hell on my face for years (I thought it was heredity). Fortunately, Skin Authority's Age-defying Hydrating Sunscreen provides the answer: moisturizing, sun-blocking AND young-infusing? Gotta get some.
There will be something of a hostile takeover of counter space in the bathroom this holiday season. Even "real" men need to take care of their faces.
Or maybe I'll just move to the spare bathroom.


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