Great Gastronomy...or Not!

SOMEBODY DRIBBLED ON MY PLATE!

I've always been a simple person ("simple-minded," some would say). I think growing up in somewhat rural America with more-or-less down-to-earth parents made me that way. Life was simple, relationships were simple (having no friends!) and the food was simple: almost every meal was meat, potatoes and a vegetable...dessert sometimes, milk always. Oh, there was the occasional night when all we had was cornbread in a bowl with milk; there were the Fridays in Lent when we had fried salmon burgers, which were actually better tasting than they sound. Of course, there were the Sundays when my dad took over the kitchen and we had things like grits and okra...well, I should say HE had those things. I went hungry at those times: just too much mushy textures for me. Peasnut butter and jelly was a staple for lunches, though we many days had butter and sugar sandwiches. These were, I suspect, just a degree away from the lard and sugar sandwiches my father-in-law always described.
So...it comes as a shock to me to read about the 10 worst trends in dining in the last deacade as described by a variety of professional chefs. As if there were EVER a bad dining trend! Lists like these are always on the 'net, but anything about food intrigues me. There were two surprises for me upon perusing the list:
1. Bacon was nowhere to be found! That must mean it's a GREAT dining trend, particularly the bacon explosion.
2. I had almost no idea what most of the things on the list involved. How about you? Here is the list of the 10 worst dining trends of the last 10 years:

10. Fried onion blossoms. Onions are my favorite vegetable. I've eaten this occasionally at Outback...a bit too greasy, but an onion still.
9. Molecular gastronomy. Huh? If you even KNOW what this is, I salute you.It sounds to me like something I should be vaccinated against.
8. The $40 entree. Uh...no. I'll admit to coming close in some of the places I've eaten in Chicago, though.
7. The communal table. Nope...the occasional buffet line, maybe, but eating with strangers? I'd have to be careful with my manners. And, of course, the fighting over the check.
6. Proudly obnoxious fast food items like a "Monster Thickburger." I ate a triple cheeseburger once, and I was tempted to go for a "GilbertBurger" when Gilbert Brown played for the Packers, but I generally avoid this kind of thing...not because of its dietary disastrousness(?) but because it usually costs a gajillion dollars, and I'm cheap.
5. Knee-jerk online reviews. Apparently, critics go to new restaurants and write reviews...I've never seen one for Taco Bell.
4. Foam. Huh? In a root beer float, maybe, but on food? Really?
3. Menus as books. It's hard to laminate a book so I've never seen one of these. My menus are always numbered and pictured.
2. Chefs as media whores. OK. I know there are celebrity chefs, and I've eaten at a Rick Bayless place, but, honestly, you could stand Emeril in front of me right now, and I wouldn't know him. Now the "ShamWOW" guy...that's a different story.
1. Deconstruction...pictured atop the page. Any restauranteur who tried to do this to me would also require me to use six different utensils and/or chopsticks and charge me $40 for the privelege; and while I could be successful with either, I would recoil at the price and head for The Border.
Call me a philistine if you want to. In fact, call me anything, just don't call me late for dinner.