What Perks Do YOU Get?

I BOUGHT THE APPLES MYSELF


I'll start by saying that I'm jealous of John Calipari...trembling, nauseous, green with envy jealous. In the fast-fading (though somewhat resurgent lately) economy, he was able to snare his "dream job" which will pay him 4 million per over the next 8 years. Wow! Not that I begrudge him his dough. He's talented, a proven winner, and it's a lockdown guarantee that he will have a winner at the University of Kentucky. I could in no way match that combination, so why am I jealous? Perks.
During a sometimes illustrious career in education, I can remember getting an actual "perk" only a few times. The most memorable was the $.25 I got as a signing bonus a few years ago when I complained that Brett had just gotten 4 mil to resign, and I was expected to do it for nothing in spite of my previous year's coronation as the Wisconsin High School PE Teacher of the Year. The superintendent dragged a handful of change from his pocket and proceeded to give me two bits: not the whole handful, mind you, just one coin. I also got a table clock "perk" to celebrate my longevity; the clock ceased working about two months after I retired (hmmmm. I stopped, and IT stopped...hmmm!) And, of course, I got the "perk" of having a full-time job all those years.
Since restructuring to my new position, I've gotten six university T-shirts from a variety of coaches, one pair of shoes, a winter down-filled coat and all the bagels I can get away with after the monthly athletic department meetings. In addition, I can attend all sporting events gratis, though for a must-see game I get seats up with the pigoens. Still, free is free.I consider that something of a "perk," but let's consider what Calipari gets in addition to a bucketful of money:
Two late-model cars with gas and mileage included.
An all-fees-paid membership to the country club of his choice which probably includes greens fees.
20 prime lower-level season tickets to UK basketball home games (so he can have his friends sit next to Ashley Judd).
8 season tickets to UK football games...OK, I know...that's not exactly a "perk."
In addition, if he gets fired before his 8 year contract is up, he gets 3.7 million dollars for each year left on the contract.
He also gets paid a bonus if 75% of his players graduate as well as bunus bucks for reaching certain levels in the SEC championship and the NCAA tournament (pronounced "toor nament" if you want to affect the East Coast cool everyone seems to want these days).
AND, if he stays the entire 8 years, he gets a bonus of 3 million dollars. Hell, I stayed 29 years at my last job and didn't even get an especially fond farewell!

Of course, to be fair, I don't think anybody EVER paid to watch me work, and there were no 20,000 season ticket holders to see education happen. Sad to think that a person's value is dependent on such things, but that's the way it goes.
I could have used a few more "attaboy's" as we all could, but I'm just thankful I didn't have big bucks boosters (or "Boo-Stirs" as Karl used to say: "boo the coach and stir up trouble") asking for my head on a plate every time there was a slight hiccup in the system.
And I DID have employment all those years and continue to do so.
When taking it all in perspective, I'm not so jealous after all...well, maybe just a little.