If You've Got the Money...I've Got the Time

I would suspect that in his long and extremely well-traveled career, Willie Nelson has made it to Japan. Heck, he even played Green Bay so he MUST have gotten to Tokyo. While I'm not a stars-and-bars country music fan, I do rather like Willie, even the reggae album he did a couple of years ago...but this is not about him or music, except for the title to his song, "If You've Got the Money, Honey, I've Got the Time" about a predictable kind of relationship: a kind that occurs everywhere, I suspect, but has an odd twist in Tokyo where they have taken the term "cathouse" and made it into something less, er, reprehensible, while retaining the overall idea of trading money for companionship. Customers, usually single men, pay $10/hr for "short, intimate encounters with professionals." BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
The professionals, in this case, are professional pets...that's right, in Tokyo, one can go to any of 150 companies and rent a pet for an hour or more at the going rate. There are places like the Ja La La Cafe in Tokyo which is one of the more famous "cat cafes" in the city. In his visit to the establishment, BBC correspondent Duncan Bartlett found 12 cats and 7 customers who were either petting, scratching, teasing with rubber mice or in other forms of entertainment their chosen playmate. And it's not just cats, either, on the auctioneer's docket for rent.
Also in the companionship rental business, one can find rabbits, ferrets, beetles (don't ask!) and, of course, dogs. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
Campus Cafes are becoming increasingly popular in Japanese cities as well. In such a place, located near college campuses, single men can "rent" a co-ed with whom to sit in the student union and share malteds. Seriously! These are not meant to be sexual encounters, just a way to fill some lonely space for single people. It seems that the geisha business has taken a downturn along with everything else. And lest you think it's just for "loser" guys, the service is expanded in other ways as well.
For example, single mothers can rent a "dad" to help with homework, discuss problematic situations with neighbors, talk to a headmaster about getting little children into the "right" schools and perform all "dad" functions. Me? I'd be willing to take kids to a baseball game or skiing, but doing homework? The pay would have to be above average for that. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
One company Hagamashi Tai whose name, roughly translated, means "I Want To Cheer Up" will even rent temporary husbands to see if a woman likes the marriage/household/sharing toothpaste/unrolling toilet paper thing before actually getting married; on the other hand, the service will also provide a woman who is considering a divorce someone to talk to about it. Whoever said that you can choose your friends but not your relatives definitely did not live in Japan.
The people press in Japan is serious, and I suspect that folks get to be isolated in such huge crowds, but having to hire a cat seems a bit over the top. However, I have a few relatives for whom I wouldn't mind substituting a rental.
Of course, there's the possibility that I would get to a family gathering to find out that I'd been replaced by something from the cathouse, too!