Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Monday, December 05, 2005

I'm Gettin' Nuttin' From St. Nick

St. Nicholas is supposed to be bringing candy and other good stuff tonight, but I have word that he won't make it to my house. There are several possible reasons for this:
1. I've not been a good boy. Word is that I won't even get a lump of coal because energy prices are soaring, and it's cold where he usually lives. How cold? It is so cold that a dog got frozen to a fire hydrant. sorry...couldn't resist.
2. He's heard about my vendetta agaist soft drink manufacturers. I suspect there's a secret society comprised of the Great Pumpkin, the Easter Bunny, St. Nick, soda manufacturers and dentists: their sole purpose is to pump everyone so full of sugar that the obscene profits will fund next year's candy drive, which will fund the following year's candy drive, etc. I would not be a bit surprised to find out that the Girl Scouts have a hand in that pie as well.
3. He's lying on the beach in Cozumel with a marguerita because it's too freakin' cold where I live.
4.The real Nicholas, after whom the holiday was named, died in A.D. 343 and isn't coming back. Oh sure, miracles and all were attributed to him so he could be officially proclaimed a saint, but there was no mention of his leaving candy to every good girl and boy as one of the miracles, and I think the coal bit for bad boys like me was simply something parents made up to stick it to their kids.
NOW I certainly cannot expect any goodies. Not to worry...Mom made cookies tonight :)
She'll fall asleep before I will!

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