Romance Outsourced

OK, it's bad enough today that the IOC decided that Rio was a more favorable destination for the Olympics in 2016, but there's more bad news for American men on the horizon. But, before that, back to the Olympics. Sure, Rio is "The Marvelous City," but the slums there make Chicago's Cabrini Green look like Disneyland and Upton Sinclair's view of the Windy City seem incredibly desirable. And look what the Columbian Exposition did for Chicago back in the 1890s! We could be great again (never mind that H.H. Holmes fellow who used that world's fair for his own demonic reasons). Maybe they need an infusion of employment and money: in case you haven't noticed, we've been struggling here, too. We just lost Saturn yesterday (the company not the planet). Having seen footage of the Mardi Gras parade, I'll accept the fact that Rio would be a cool place to go, but it would have been so much more convenient for me to hold the Games in Chicago. I mean, after all, isn't it all about me? I would like to take in one Olympics before I die, and it looks like maybe 2020 might be my next chance.
And not only has the Olypics gone to a country too far from me, but a recent poll conducted by OnePoll.com of 15,000 women in 20 countries has indicated that some of the best male lovers are located in, you guessed it: Brazil. Damn. Shut out again, but at least we were not last in this one.
So, ladies, if you are looking for arguably the best possible romantic experience, go to Spain, Brazil, Italy, France or Ireland, in that order (Ireland?). There were ten in the list, but I've pared it down to five because, well, there's only so much adventure one can HAVE in a lifetime!
Places with men to avoid, according to the (no doubt) unscientific poll?
The country adjudged to have the absolute worst male lovers was Germany. According to the respondents, German men were "too smelly."
Englishmen were "too lazy" and expected women to do all the "work."
Swedes got hammered for being "too quick." But then, there are only so many hours of night in Sweden, you know. The sun goes down at 11 and is back up by 2 in the summertime. That's not much. There's the mood lighting, the soft music on the stereo...lots to do.
The 4th worst in the poll were the men from Holland who were castigated (read that carefully) as being "too dominating," whatever that means.
In the 5th slot are the American men who were described as being "too rough." It's possibly that cowboy chic you hear so much about. And I somewhat resent the allusion.
Anyway, there were five more after that, but frankly, I don't think anyone needs to see the complete list: there's an adventure waiting for you or there's work to do to soften the image, depending on your gender.
Just don't get outsourced yourself!