The UFC Couple: I Give Them 4 Months

"BUT THE CHICKEN DANCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE NEXT!"

Valentine's Day has slipped past us again, leaving "The Most Dangerous Day of the Year" yet to surmount. One down, one to go...it's still just over the horizon, looming inexorably like the 500-lb gorilla who, of course, continues to sit wherever he wishes. Of course, I'm talking about prom season, seen as yet another springboard into the pool of romance...well, lust, at least. Andy and Anna can tell us something about where THAT can lead: straight to jail.
It seems as if Andy Somora and Anna Pastuszwska of Lakeside, Michigan, got married recently. True love conquers all, it would seem. Their reception was held in a local art gallery, and promised to be an affair worthy of the society pages. Unfortunately, it was worthy only of the police blotter!
It seems that the party following the vows got a bit rambunctious...if you can call a lamp thrown through a window (remember, this is an art gallery) merely rambunctious. The stunned owner, failing to quell the revelers, finally called in reinforcements in the form of 14 departments' worth of policemen who arrived to see at least one guest swilling from a vodka bottle. The groom was so incensed that the authorities were trying to put a damper on his most memorable day that he began to get abusive, and, as you might imagine, got tasered for his troubles. As a corollary, his new bride was hanging on to him and got the smae shocking treatment: just before both were hauled off to the hoosegow. Allowed out the next day, it took the modern-day Bonnie and Clyde just ONE DAY to resume the altercation with the defenders of law...and were promptly tasered and incarcerated again! There is no truth to the rumor, started by me, that the UFC folks were trying to book the pair in a cage match. I'd say, the future looks dim for these two. Of course, brief marriages are always making the news.

Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock: 4 months
Renee Zellweger/Kenny Chesney: 4 months
Nicholas Cage/Lisa Marie Presley: 4 months
And, less we miss the world record (unless Dennis Rodman has it)
Britney Spears/Jason Allen Alexander: 55 hours.

However, it's just possible that these two can make it, and I hope they do. Dr. Phil-type people always say that couples should feel free to express emotion and that keeping things bottled up is cause for concern.
Good luck, you madcap kids!