Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Monday, February 09, 2009

True Friends Can Spell

Deciding whether or not one's "friends" are true friends or temporary conveniences (for them) isn't always easy. Oh, I suppose there's something on Oprah about it, and I'm certain Dr. Phil has carried on extensively in this area. Advice columnists from Ann Landers to staff writers on "Tiger Beat" (presuming that still exists)have long held forth on the subject of discerning truth from fiction in the friend area. Truth is, I'm not so sure myself, but I have some ideas.
Some basic truths about "true" friends as I see them:
1. A "true" friend keeps in touch.
2. A "true" friend is willing to tell the truth, painful though it might be.
3. A "true" friend understands the hard times one is having and tries to help.
4. A "true" friend gives more than he or she takes in the relationship.
5. A "true" friend is willing to be patient.

So, if we can all at least marginally agree on those particular tenets of friendship, why am I still suspicious of Vince? He seems sincere; he sends me at least three emails a week even if I don't respond; he's taken out television spots just to appeal to ME; he goes to every length to show me what I need to make my life fulfilling; he's willing to give me twice as much as I pay for; no matter how many times I fail to respond, Vince is always there...
entreating me to get a "SHAM WOW." Seriously...
No matter what I don't do or say, my friend Vince is there to assure me how much my life could be enhanced by purchasing a SHAM WOW. He's utterly and passionately convinced that I'll say "Wow!" every time. Is that a friend or what?
Giving me twice the product for the same low price is, indeed, a rarity: only a friend would do that...a "true" friend. He knows I need help with wine stains, pet stains and cola stains, and he's willing to share his knowledge with me even if I'm embarrassed to admit that I stagger around spilling cola and wine and scaring the dog into piddling on the rug. He knows that this fabulous product is not sold in stores so the only way I can redeem myself is through my good friend Vince. What a guy! Absorbing 20 times its weight in water would make ANY product fabulous, and I should get teary-eyed over the fact that Vince is offering it to me, his "true" friend. (and the SHAM WOW would mop those tears right up!)
But...
I have to draw the line somewhere, and, as I often do, I draw the line with regard to correct spelling. When Vince tells me that his product is "...better than a shammy..." I have to turn away, dejected, and begin looking for other "true" friends; a person whom I could consider a "true" friend would know that the word is "chamois" even though its pronunciation belies that spelling.
I'm truly sorry, Vince; I thought it might have been the "real" thing.

1 Comments:

At 11:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. I mean, I get that you were an English teacher and all, but that's being a little hard on your friends!

 

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