A Rolling Stone Gathers No Love From Me

I'm not sure if you are one of those poeple who incessantly makes up lists for your amusement. I'm not talking about grocery lists or lists of people who deserve a fate worse than death from your junior high years...I'm talking about the John Cusack-type list maker from a movie titled "High Fidelity" in which guys hanging around a record store argued incessantly over their top 5 all-time-something-or-other-favorites from rock and roll. I'm generally not like that even though I did make up a top 25 all-time favorite rock songs CD a few years ago. The top 50 was easy to make, but whittling it down took some time. No matter. The point is that such lists are always subjective: anybody can have a fave to which I might say, "What a load of crap!" and vice versa, I might add. That's why the latest issue of Rolling Stone irritates me somewhat.
In the issue, due out at the end of the week, the editors list a compliation of the best singers of the rock era as voted on by 179 record producers (and CD producers, too, I suppose...and digital producers, and well, you get the idea), musicians and their own editors who one might think would know something. Their list might not be the list I would compile, but then, I really don't know the criteria by which they chose to rank artists.
Quick, before I tell you, who do YOU think would have been the top vocalist of the rock era? Would you have thought Aretha Franklin would be number one? Me, neither, but that's what the poll indicated. Let's look at some facts:
According to Joel Whitburn who makes a living compiling musical stats, Franklin was not listed as a performer on ANY of the top 100 singles charted from 1955-1999. Not one. Even Debby Boone (strike me dead for mentioning it!) had one! Elvis Presley, on the other hand, had seven chartbusting singles throughout that period. Elvis was #3, BTW. (after Ray Charles)
Sam Cooke, your #4 finisher had nothing in the top 100 singles, but Marvin Gaye did, and Pat Boone had 3, for God's sake (Hmmm both Pat AND Debby? Bring back disco).
OK, so most of the top songs were done by groups, and we can't count Britny because she postdated the survey.
Whitburn also tallies his view of the top 100 artists based on how many weeks an artist spent on the Top 40 with more points being awarded for higher places, etc. By that measure, Elvis is #1, Elton John #2 (again, no groups), Madonna was #3,etc. util we get to Aretha at #10. Even Mariah Carey spent more weeks on the charts...but then, I'd take Aretha any day over her as a vocalist, so weeks on the chart might not be a great tool for measurement.
In Whitburn's breakdown by decade, Aretha could only manage to be 12th best in the 60's, right behind Sam Cooke. Of course, we need to give Cooke a break because he was shot to death under sordid circumstances while still in his prime. Aretha did worse during the 70's, but she did crack the top 5 in Whitburn's category of most charted singles: her 45 chart hits placed her at #4 in that category...Elvis was #1 as he was in the 50's, as well as finishing right behind The Beatles in the 60's.
In case you're wondering why I have neglected Ray Charles, none of his songs was among the top 100 all-time, though he rose to #3 in the list of top performers during the 60's. He barely makes the top 25 in number of charted singles, just behind Billy Joel and just ahead of Prince.
Don't get me wrong here...I'm not jonesing for Elvis to be the King of all rock and roll as we know it. I think all of them are fabulous, though only Sam Cooke has a picture album framed on my wall (next to Buddy Holly, Elvis Costello, Jackson Browne and The Beatles). I think I'm more aggravated that they did not ask my opinion. Obviously, the editors are simply too young to remember The Sock Hop on Wednesday nights at WOMA and, subsequently, WRKU. They have not read the tales of my career during the 80's, billed as "The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla" or my ability to recall arcane musical information instead of remembering important stuff like where my cars keys got left. If Sting can be the king of pain, I can be the king of anachronism.
I'm hurt that I've been forgotten. Oh well, they'll hear about it soon enough when I rock to the top of the universe in my Aerosmith Rock Band game. So there!