Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Open Wide, Now!

Global warming...nuclear holocaust...good news, bad news..."uh-oh"...recession...acid rain...No Child Left Behind...greenhouse gases...
You get the idea. These are phrases which immediately make one think bad things are on the way, and they probably are. For me, however, there is very little that I've experienced that seems worse than those two dreaded words: "root canal." Obviously, those other thigns are worse, as I was reminded today, but they don't cause the same kind of clammy skin galvanic skin response for me like a trip to the dentist. I know I shouldn't be such a Sally, but I can't help it...mainly because I know what doesn't hurt in the chair will hurt like hell later. So today, while I was white-knuckling the arm rests as my dentist bored to the center of the earth in my head, I tried to calm myself by thinking of situations which could arguably be considered worse to me. But first:
Why does everyone in the office ask me how I'm doing when they first see me? I'm going to the damn dentist, for God's sake! I'm doing LOUSY or I wouldn't be there. They all pretend it's like going to, say, the optometrist, but it's NOT EVEN CLOSE! Total strangers are far more in tune with how I'm feeling than those people at the dentist's office. However, if you were surrounded by screaming cowards every day, maybe you, too, would get a perverse pleasure out of smiling brightly and asking people how things are going.
Also, why does the dentist say, "You'll feel a little pinch" just before he jams a nine-inch needle through my skull? Does he think just because I have my eyes closed that I don't know what he's up to? I'd appreciate a little honesty: "I'm about to jab you several times with a pointed needle, and it will hurt, but you'll forget all about it until you get home, stop drooling on yourself and the novacaine wears off." That, I could take.
I don't generally enjoy listening to the dentist ask his assistant to make a massage appointment for his wife or hear their conversation about how rotten his son is doing...though it IS somewhat better than having them ask me stupid questions like "Why do you have that "G" on your shoes? Are you a big Packers fan?" To which I could reply, "mmnhpph aarghhh!" and swallow a mouthful of saliva which has leaked out due to their inattention ( I said "suction, dammit!)because I have all this crap and a couple of hands in my mouth.
Today was, however, even worse than that. It seems that I have several problems on the horizon that will require their expert touch to remedy...and my insurance has already been used. Talk about adding insult to injury!
I'm going to floss now. What's even worse than today will have to be covered at a later date.

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