Mr. Right...Mr Wrong...How To Tell!

Seriously, I think we must just be getting less intuitive as time goes by. Either that or the general I.Q. is going south faster than spicy burritos washed down with cerveza. Evidence of this comes from Oprah's website: not that I regularly read it, but it was a feature the other day in the Chicago Tribune which is among the four or five news sources I turn to daily to find out what's going on with the world outside the Green Bay Packers.
So, I glance at the headline, and it detailed the ten kinds of men a woman should run, not walk, away from. Okay, so not everybody's perfect, but I thought if there are ten kinds of men to avoid, we're in trouble as a species. Are there any good ones left? (I can just see all the women shaking their collective heads at that one). Anyway, I guess I wasn't so amazed that there were ten types of undesirable males, but I WAS somewhat taken aback that it took Oprah to point out these types to women everywhere. I mean, some of these seem like no-brainers to me. Heck, I wouldn't even hang out with guys like this in a "pal" relationship...why would any woman want to get seriously involved with any of these types?

1. "Joe No-Show" This is the guy you meet at a convention or somewhere other than home. He constantly calls and asks you to visit. You show up at the airport, and there's nobody to talk to but the skycap. DUH! Why would one not immediately book a flight back home singing "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair"? We need Oprah to tell us this guy's a loser?

2. "Mr. Jealousy" The guy who tries to control who you see, talk to, and wants to know where you are every minute. Calling and texting fifty times a day? Heck, I'd move to Tanzania if I had to to get away from this kind of person, and it wouldn't take me a week to do it. Perhaps there's a period of romance like in all abusive relationships, but it certainly would be a short one for me.

3. "The Bully" C'mon...be serious. Who in any kind of right mind would hang with a physically controlling person? My wife and I have only two rules for our marriage: one of them is that nobody gets hit...EVER. No do-overs, no second chances. It just won't happen. For the record, the other rule is that we don't date other people...which brings us to another almost shocking revelation by Oprah:

4. "The Two-Timer" I'm still shaking my head over the fact that she felt the need to explain the parameters and why this is bad.

5. "The Liberated Man" This guy moves in within weeks, quits his job and watches SportsCenter all the time while drinking beer that YOU bought. Granted, by this time, it's hard to get rid of the guy without physically moving yourself, but I could certainly invest in some good locks or a Doberman.

There are others, five in fact, but most of them are of the same ilk. Maybe because I'm a guy I don't see how women could be taken in by such people. That's not to say that men are not subject to being duped just as women are. Of course, you're not going to see Oprah or Ellen or Tyra take that one on. Of course, guys are easier to fool because they have more base interests which can be fulfilled more easily, I suspect.
Anyway, be on the lookout for smooth talking, witty, good-looking guys who, like chocolate-covered cherries, are appealing at first bite but far too icky sweet upon further review. (and give you a stomachache after a few bites) Guys like that are notorious for being clever writers who spend time writing blogs. Watch out for those guys!