Tiger...and the Rest of the Field

My idea of a golfer!

"It's a lot easier if you own the golf course to make up your own rules. Like no more than 12 in a foursome. No breaking wind in the tee box. If you have a bad lie, you never have to tell a bad lie. I like that one. And par is whatever you want it to be -- depending on what the bet is."

Now that Tiger Woods has won his fourth consecutive Buick Open and 62nd major golf tournament to tie Arnold Palmer on the all-time list for fourth, I thought it might be time for a revision of the game. I see it like this: Tiger plays by the "regular" rules, and everybody else plays by Willie Nelson's rules. See: Willie owns his own golf course, and in a recent interview with the Washington Post, he offered the quoted passage above as the reason he bought his own course. As I read the interview, I became increasingly convinced that the rest of the PGA could benefit from some changes. While Willie's rules might not affect the outcome so much, these might:

1. Two separate holes on each green: regulation for Tiger...volleyball-sized holes for everyone else.

2. Windmills and anthills on several holes for Tiger.

3. Inclusion of a fifteenth club for everyone else: the "foot wedge" would now be included to be used in case of an unfortunate lie.

4. Lengths of gutter or PVC pipe to be used by "regular" players for putting on the green, a la "Happy Gilmore"...for that matter, make Tiger putt with a hockey stick!

5. Tiger plays 18 holes a day. Everone else plays fifteen then goes straight to the 19th to join me.

6. Every fan must wear a cut-out mask of Sam Snead while following Tiger's group. (Snead holds the record for MOST PGA victories at 80-something).

7. Tiger carries his own bag...no stand up bag allowed, either.

8. Mixed in at random with the regular Nike balls in Tiger's bag are a number of exploding balls which turn to powder on the tee.

9. Tiger plays left-handed.

10. Tiger has to drive a Buick at every tournament.

These are not a guarantee, I assure you. Tiger Woods is playing at such a high level that everyone else seems a mere mortal. Maybe you love him...maybe you hate him...maybe you don't even like golf. He is, however, an icon who has changed the way we look at the sport.
As for me, I'll stick to playing with Willie.