Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

What a Country!

Remember the Russian comic Yakov Smirnoff? I think he was big about 20 years ago...anyway, his big line was "America...what a country!" If I'm not mistaken, I think he has a daily show in Branson, Missouri, now with all the other not-so-recently-famous entertainers. I mean, when people come back and gush about the gold-plated fixtures in the bathrooms, you KNOW the entertainment was, well, second rate. Since I have not officially visited the Grand Ol' Opry of the Midwest, I can cast no aspersions in that directions, but I can attest to the fact that America is a fabulous country. The latest proof came today...in the form of ice cream.
We all get many odd emails asking for this and that: indicating that I have won a million dollars from Zombonibia or some exotic place. All I have to do is send some money for the transfer, etc. etc. Recently, however, I hit the jackpot.
A local research firm was soliciting volunteers to test new products, be involved in market surveys, etc. Generally, these were aimed at a certain demographic, and if I qualified, I would be paid a certain amount of money for very little of my time.
"What the heck," I said to myself, and signed up. Today was the jackpot for which I had been waiting. I qualified to be a member of a panel testing new products made of ICE CREAM! Ice cream is a major food group for my money, so I jumped at the chance.
We met in a building which housed a thrift store, an apartment management company and a few other nondescript businesses. I was a bit nervous because we ahd to sit together in front of an elevator until the whole group arrived, whereupon we would be ushered upstairs for our taste testing. A few veterans of the business knew each other and chatted inanely while the others of us examined the tops of our shoes and our fingernails. I felt like I was waiting in a dentist's office without the months-old magazines. Anyway, we got called up, and it was amazing.
We were shown a picture of a new product...in this case, two Oreo cookies with vanilla ice cream between them. We were asked to judge what we thought of the product by looking at the package. After eating a cracker and drinking some water, we were served our first test...and these things were HUGE. Normally, the package makes things look big, and they are not...well, these were really big. We were instructed to taste the treat then answer some questions about how we liked it. The person in charge said we could eat the whole thing or only part of it; and there actually were people who did not eat the whole thing! Are you kidding me?
Next, we had the requisite cracker and water, and we were served ANOTHER huge Oreo treat, this time with cookies and cream ice cream in the middle instead of vanilla. The response part was the same. With no more treats to taste, we were free to go, stopping to pick up $15 on the way out. SERIOUSLY! I spent fifteen minutes eating ice cream and got paid for it. I could hardly believe it.
Is America the greatest country, or what?
For the record, the Klondike/Oreo cookies and cream thing was not nearly as good as the Oreo thing with plain vanilla ice cream...but I ate the whole thing, anyway. Wasting ice cream with people going hungry around the world just didn't seem right.
Life just keeps getting better and better.

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