Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Friday, April 12, 2013

No Longer the "Mostest"

The local middle school chorus was selling food as a fundraiser a couple of weeks ago. I bought the requisite pizza to keep the neighbors happy, figuring I would at least gain something, unlike the yearly baseball league and church raffles chances. Anyway, just ass I was about to sign off on the order, I came across a product that looked suspiciously like a Hostess cupcake: same dark, brown frosting; same white, squiggly icing on top...really, it looked identical, so I ordered some.
Of course, since the Hostess company went belly up (so to speak), and the run on Twinkies collapsed THAT market, there hasn't really been anything in the snack food like that really caught my salivary glands' attention until the pseudo-Hostess cupcake sale. "How much different could the recipe be?" I asked myself. The fact that they were $2 apiece also made me think there was some special quality about them. Foolish ideas from a foolish person: the first bite only reinforced my foolishness.
There was no creamy filling in this cupcake. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I managed to finish it, but I gave the rest away to an unsuspecting person who was grateful for anything! Then, I discovered that these delights were not the only food that I would never, ever be able to purchase again. Some of these I liked, and some I'd never heard of, but the pundits at CNN have come up with a partial list of things we will never again be able to buy, in addition to Hostess cupcakes.

1. Ho Hos and Twinkies, both Hostess giants. Yes, I know that some other company is on the verge of buying the rights to produce Twinkies again, but I seriously doubt that they will be the yellow cake of muy memories.

2. Chef Boyardee meatball stew. Ads claimed that a diner would never have to search for a meatball since they were so plentiful: sounds suspicious.

3. Heinz E-Z Squirt Ketchup. You might think that forms of this are still available since everything comes in squeeze bottles now, but this product was PURPLE! Imagine confusing that with jam for the PBJ? No wonder (sorry Hostess) we can't find this on the shelves.

4. Wonder bread, of course. All the iconic Hostess products gone. The rumor was that there was actual grain in this lighter than air bread.

5. Crystal Pepsi. I don't remember this alternative to Sprite...just another Coke wannabe product.

6. Star Wars spinoff cereals: C3-POs and Star Wars cereals. Kellogg's might have had a big hit with these early, but they didn't last until the prequels could come out.

All in all, food tastes change rapidly...see our lack of Krispy Kreme here in Titletown as an example. That doesn't mean I won't try imitations...though it probably does mean I will always be disappointed.
At least Little Debbie is still around to comfort me.


At 11:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember Crystal Pepsi from back when I was in high school. It was my drink of choice and I'm pretty sure that disappeared quite awhile ago (before I graduated). The rest - eh.


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