Parlor Spider...Step In, Little Fly

Insightful thoughts and/or rants from atop the soapbox from one who wishes to share the "right" opinion with everyone.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Food For Thought



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Food is important to all of us. The fact that we can go longer without it than water and still survive does not matter. When was the last time you had more drinks of water in a day than bites of food? OK, maybe the priorities are not exactly in the correct order, but food seems to be the guilty pleasure in which most of us can indulge without feeling too guilty or blaming Emeril or the Food Network for our obsession.

I do not claim to be a gourmand...I prefer the term "cubic" food, which means that the more food I can ingest for a buck, the better. This I discovered about the time my wife discovered truffles (the chocolate kind) at Euphoria in Eugene, Oregon, when we were attending grad school.

Having discovered this culinary delight, she invited me to join her for a tasy repast on Saturday. Having beaten my brains out with graduate statistics, I was eager to strap on the old feed bag though I was a bit disconcerted by the small plate, toy knife and teeny fork presented to me at my table. Not wishing to appear too rube-like, I just figured the big plate would arrive with the substantial portion of grub...or whatever truffles were.

Imagine my surprise when the waitress brought us each a chunk o' chocolate about the size of a golf ball...and NOTHING else! I was "tsked" into shame as I picked the thing up to pop it in my mouth: apparently, the knife and fork were not merely table dressing as I had supposed, their actual utility was cutting the microscopic food item into morsels of delectability (so I was told). Thoroughly disgusted, I shoved the entire thing in my mouth, unresponsive to the stares around me. I almost tossed it back up when I realized I was going to pay $3.50 for the thing (back in the early 80s). Muttering, I left, never to return, and never to eat anything that required using a teeny, tiny fork.

So, Alan Barrett's story has one sympathetic ear: mine. Briefly, he began a quest in 1998 to eat breakfast at every restaurant in Chicago but has found things rough going. He's already repeating dining spots because in some locations, the silverware is all wrong! Some forks are too heavy, some eateries have begun using flimsy silverware, and one spot has stopped providing serrated knifes for his repast. Some begin serving after 9 a.m. (a sin, apparently). Not to say he is a connoisseur, but he thinks that the breakfast burrito is the greatest breakfast innovation since scrambled eggs. he prefers his coffe in a carafe (little finger extended when he drinks, I'll bet), and absolutely refutes granola as a breakfast food, saying, "Do I look like a Red Sox fan to you?" Props for that alone.

So it is that my buddy Dan is not the only sophisticated palate in the world, though his recommendation for the steak buffet place in Fargo, North Dakota, has me rerouting my summer vacation to Niagra Falls next summer, right after I get to the one in Chippewa Falls and do the free tour of the Leinenkugel plant.

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