Lance Armstrong and I Are Wavering

News that the retirement of Lance Armstrong might have been announced prematurely reminded me that he and I are very much alike. Oh, we're not the only ones who have waffled on the timing of retirement. I think Willie Mays ended up playing for the Mets when he should have been working the door for a casino and playing golf with executives like Mickey Mantle did. And Jim Brown...oops. There's no way I'm saying anything even remotely bad about Jim Brown. Word will get out, and he's tough! Nobody wanted to see Michael Jordan butcher baseball even though his minor league team got a great new bus out of the deal: when the doors opened and closed, it made a "swoosh" sound I'm told. I wasn't even thrilled to see him playing minor league basketball again with the Wizards. Drafting Kwame Brown proves that he should have stayed retired. Finally, he got wise and bought into a motorcycle racing team. Now THAT'S a fitting way to retire. Now, every time I wear shorts to class that hang low and make me look even more skinny than I am and tempt students to try to pull my shorts down, I thank Michael for popularizing the style.
Speaking of style, Chief Justice Rehnquist retired in style! He went out on top just like we all should though few of us do. That's where the similarities between myself and Lance Armstrong become too incredible to ignore. After seven wins in the Tour de France, he definitely went out on top (no matter what the namby-pamby French sour-grape journalists have to say). I believe I am at the top of my game, so to speak as well: I treat all students with respect, I challenge each of them to be better each day, and I'm not afraid to call their mothers when my students do something well. I would like to think I'm respected by my peers even though that might be reaching a bit...a prophet in his own country, and all that. I have been rewarded by my professional peers by being named the Wisconsin Secondary Physical Educator of the Year for 2005. I should be humble and say I don't deserve it, but it's really not for me to say. Having decided that both Lance and I are at the pinnacle of our careers, it's time to draw the amazing comparisons.

Lance Armstrong

1. From the United States 2. Born in Texas 3. Wears a LiveStrong bracelet 4. Rides a bike at work
5. Recovered from cancer 6. Likes Sheryl Crow 7. Accused of taking drugs 8. Waffled on retirement at French journalist jabs 9. Has a web site 10.Trains year-round for one race

Darrell Patterson

1. From the United States 2. My dad was born in Texas, and I've actually visited there 3. Wears a LiveStrong bracelet 4. Rides and wears a bike at work 5. Tutored students reecovering from cancer 6. Likes Counting Crowes 7. It has been suggested that he MUST be taking something 8. Waffled on retirement at IHOP 9. Has a weblog 10. Well, I don't do this one

I could go on and on, but I think the facts are plain: Lance and I have much in common. Sometime within the next year both he and I will find out if all this retirement talk was for real. Peace out.